Dragonflies in April??

Well the day has been a quite a big one for me and I am going to take the time to share what I can here for what it is worth to anyone that is reading this at this time. I am here to tell you that I noticed that a dragonfly landed on my door to my office today. And to me that was the earliest that I have ever seen a dragonfly before. It wasn’t really that big, but I knew it had a message for me today, and I was looking at the blue and green dragonfly and asked him if I was going to die? And then the dragonfly just took off into the sky and I lost him as soon he got out of my range. But dragonflies have a history about them like master told me many years ago. The dragonfly spirit is telling you when it death is around the corner. And I thought to myself there was only one and not like 100 or more. But the dragonfly is a messenger that is sent down from the powers above to tell you that your loved ones are doing well too in the afterlife. So the dragonfly has two purposes in his life. The dragonfly can tell you about death and it can also tell you that your loved ones are doing well. I never believe this about the dragonfly until master death.

I remember being at his funeral and the field by his stone was full of flying dragonflies. And I knew at that time that master was right. That his soul was with them dragonflies that afternoon. Today maybe looking at the door maybe I was looking at Master and he might of been giving me a message about not to give up even if the news is bad at times. And I been torn about what really to do with this all. I know that my little coyote needs me in this life, but at the same time I am really tired too. What good am I when I am like this, and I know that I hide it in front of my coyote spirit. But she is no dummy at all when it comes to my feelings. I am so tired at times like we all get. But I need to tell myself that this part of my journey will change soon. It has too no matter what the outcome is.

But seeing that dragonfly taught me one thing, and that one thing is to fight as I can. Not to give up, but to keep having hope in everything that I do. I have to tell myself this. I mean I remember Master teaching in the dojo up to his last three days before his death. His body was full of cancer and he went out the way he came into this world. And that was that he was a fighter all his life, and that even in death he fought the fight and in the end he even beat death! Not to many people can say that, I know for I was there to see him take death on and not to be afraid of it. So, I have to remember to fight this fight with these doctors the best way I can. And I know that I am going to have my ups and downs. But who doesn’t in this life? We have to ask ourselves in the end what do you want? And what is the most important thing for you do as far as going that distance. Are you willing to go that distance and not let even death stop you? Well, I am going to fight that fight, and go work outside and make something happen today no matter what happens at the end of the day, it will be a good one no matter what get thrown at me. So, dragonfly that landed on the door, I know your not knocking for that it’s my time yet. You came knocking with that message from Master to fight this crap off, and be the best crane that I could ever be for myself and the others around me. For this Master thank you for coming down and landing on my door and telling me these things. I will get my head out of my feathers and go get cleaned up, and then get ready for the flight of my life. Thank you Master…

In the middle of the night…

I woke up super early today like at 3AM and I was wondering why my eyes decided to wake me up so early in the morning. I just slowly moved around the house wondering what I was looking for. And nothing came to mind for me at all. Everyone in the house was sleeping even the dogs were snoring and dreaming about what ever dogs dream about. But I have been up since 3AM for some strange reasons. I mean I went the bed after one in the morning and to just get a few hours of sleep isn’t the best of things at this time. But I know that there was a purpose for me waking up. So, I got into the shower and woke myself up more, and then put some clean cloths on and started to walk to my office, which is like only maybe 75 feet from the house and started a nice little fire in the fireplace and started to go over some work that needed to be done anyways. I have paperwork that never ends, and I have so many other things as the parts and the trucks go that I will never run out of work let me tell you. That is the fun part of being an owner. I can choose what is going to get finished today or not. But then again there are deadlines for everything and that is good and sometimes that can be really bad.

But I am sitting here today just trying to get caught up on a few things before the world start to wake up again. I was wondering how many people get up at this time, and I know some people have to get there days started, but this is as early as I would like to start mine to be completely honest with you. But, I hope that today will bring much joy in the sense of knowing something better than I did yesterday. I have the doctors calling me today to tell me what my next steps are going to be as well. I just hope that these steps will be positive change for me and my future. I need to get some good news and not so much bad new anymore about my health. No matter what happens I will continue to make the changes happen for me.

So, I will leave this short and get some more paperwork off my desk, and in a few hours or less the dogs will be getting up, and so will a little coyote as well that will need to be fed and then on to her day. Who knows what that little coyote will report to me this evening after a long day. I just know that I will listen to her problems and try to help her the best way I can here. With this said be good to yourself and the others around you…

Wisdom was the word of the day…

Well off to another day, and since the sun is shinning for a few more hours, and guess what is coming back to our area? Yes, the rain and storms for the next 4 days straight actually. It’s going to be raining like cats and dogs for sure. But that is okay, that means that I will slow myself down and get some stuff done on the inside of the buildings instead of being outside. I mean I don’t mind the rain and working in it, but when the temps are only in the middle 50’s it gets really damp and cold. But when that times comes I will figure that all out later. But I am writing today because something was brought to my attention last night really late, like after 2AM. And that something that was brought to my attention was the word wisdom. And I was told that I had wisdom and how did I get so much of it? Well, that is a good question, and first thing is that I am not to take any credit saying that I am the wisest of people. But if I had to break that word down a bit, I would say I got my wisdom from a few people in my life.

And the people that have taught me the most of what I learned from that word is my father and my master of my style of the art that I still study after almost 30 years. But, I also learned a lot of wisdom by just watching others in this life and taking a lot of notes. I just am a person that studies a lot about what people do and say. And I have seen the bad and good in everyone. I am not here to judge anyones characters in there life for that isn’t for me to do, and I won’t. But it’s amazing what you can learn about that word in a short time if you let yourself to come into it being open. Like I said I am so far from knowing everything and I really mean it. I just learn from everyone that has been in my life and I have taken the good and bad from everyone around me. And the best part is that I take a piece of everyone that I learn from, and I find that important because it shapes me to be what I want to be, I will say this again it shapes me and no one else.

Master had so many stories about wisdom in his life, and I look back at them stories and realized that how powerful that they were, and the best part is that I thought my master knew everything about being a wise old man that he was. And one day a few months before his passing I did ask him that question that was asked to me, how did you get so wise? And master looked at me and smiled which was rare for him and said that I learned all my wisdom by watching grow up to be one of my better students I ever had. When I was watching you my young crane he would say, I was watching you so that I didn’t end up making the same mistakes as you did. And that is all that master needed. And it’s true like I said before I watch the people I am around. And I make sure that I don’t make them mistakes like master was doing with me all them years.

Does being wise mean your a peace? I think that being wise can mean a few things to me it means not using it as a pawn or something that is wasn’t attended to be. Being wise is helping your fellow man or woman with the issues at hand that they are facing. It’s picking what battles you want to fight in your day as well. I know that I had so many experiences with this, and I know that whoever is reading this post has had there fair shares with wisdom as well. But the point I am going to make here, is that I use it to better people’s lives, and then there is a time that I put it away, and I listen to others and use it to better myself in the end. How could I ever get mad about someone that is willing to take the time out of there life to help me see things in a different light. There is nothing wrong with that at all.

I learned to just let go of the things I have no control over at this time. And that is what I have to do,  and that is the best piece of wisdom that was taught to me. And if tiger your listening to me through spirit then I want to tell you that I learned this part from you, and many others before you. But just know that being wise in the end doesn’t mean that I know everything about life. For I am far from this, but in the end if I can teach anyone out there is to just learn to watch the people around you and take something from anyone that wants to teach you as well. Being wise is good, but being the student in it is e even better, and with that I will let you think about what my last sentence was about and it’s meaning… Have a good day and take care of each other in the end….

Good and bad things about today from my little coyotes point of view…

Well the sun has set on the badger state, and what did I learn today from yesterday? Well I learned that I am still alive for starters, and then I learned tonight from my little coyote about life from her eyes. And always ask her two questions everyday before bed, what was your bad thing that happened, and what was your good thing that happened today. And then I say to her what are you going to do different tomorrow then you did today. So this is the answer I got from her,  so the bad thing today was that she had a bad lunch in the sense of what it was. I asked her what it was and she said potatoes and some salisbury steak with gravy on it. And I asked her why that was bad, and she looked at me and told me that even the coyotes won’t eat this stuff daddy.  So, that was that bad and you had no other issues I said to her. And her reply again was, I mean daddy where do they come up with food for us like this. And I just had to laugh in my head and just smile at her and I told her my stories about having bad lunches in school, and my little coyotes eyes got big and she said really daddy? And I told her about the days of cold food, and she told me that everybody goes through this? And I said pretty much anyone that has gone through school yes they do from time to time. And she said okay daddy, I will eat my food more tomorrow and from this point forward. Then my next question was about what was the good thing about your day? And her reply was this, well let me tell you daddy that I have seen some changes in you and it makes me happy.

And I asked her about what changes do you see in me? And my little coyote told me that she seen some peace in my heart today that hasn’t happened for quite some time. Now remember my daughter is six years old, and sometimes I feel like she is forty years old by the way she talks to me. But the point of this was that she noticed some peace in me today. And to me what does that tell me about myself? I mean have I been a mean old parent to my little coyote here? I mean I don’t look like a mean person, I mean I do smile from year to year at times. But my daughter noticed that smile today and that is why she said that I look more at peace. I just wish that I could feel that peace. I mean I am trying and that is all I can really do in the end. But she has a way about herself that I can’t explain to you. I mean I think that she has lived a hundred lives already in that little body. But in the end if that made her happy today then I did my job as that parent.

I worked on some crane katas tonight as well. I felt one with the field that I was working in, and I also worked some tiger claw katas as well. I am learning that I am taking off some of this rust in these forms that master once taught me over 20 years ago. My daughter loves watching transform into these spirit animals. To her she always tell me that I am her favorite person in the whole world because I can turn into these animals in a split second and be with these animals. But in the end that was my day, I wanted to share to you that there is hope even in my struggles here with life. And I learned from my coyote that I will be at peace soon. And my tiger spirit if you are reading this make sure to howl at the moon tonight my little coyote told me that this might be the last day in the moon cycle for this month…

Learning more about who I am…

Well off to another day running and I am moving in the ways that I think that I need to keep telling myself at the end that it will get better. I just got out of my therapy session and I am learning that PTSD is a serious thing. And I am learning that it’s okay to trust again. But I have to run my head around this and tell myself to start opening up at some point. I know that I come here and let my feelings go at times, but I have to keep this process going no matter what because there is healing in this. And I am along way from getting to where I need to be in this life, but getting help with this PTSD is a major thing that I am dealing with. I mean there are times that I just want to throw the towel in and just give up, and then there is times that I have to keep moving forward. And I know that there is no other options then to move forward. But with the disease I am learning that isn’t that easy as you think it would be. I have been guarded all my life, and I have been needing to open up for quite some time, and I am trying to find these tools so that I can start to tearing these walls down.

I need to know that I am not the only one going through what I am going through at this time. I know that there are struggles, and I know that everyone around me is struggling too at this time of there life. I am not worried about the struggles of others until I get my own under control. I have to be good in my heart to be able to help others in the sense that I have to listen to the people around me as well. I know that I have a few friends that are close to me in this journey, and I know that I have to learn to open my heart up to them more in the end. And I am working on that the best way I know how. I never been that good about my words to anyone, just because again I don’t let anyone into that circle. I know that I need to trust like I said before, and how do I get myself to open up? I need to open up and let this stuff out.

And my tiger sprit has been helping me, and I will explain more to you tiger about this is the coming days about me needing to bleed out what I need to bleed out. I trust you tiger spirit, and I know that your life is busy, and I know that your time is being used the best way you know how. And how could I ever thank you enough like I have said time after time, but I will start to thank you by letting you in more to who I am as that person. You need to hear from this crane that why the way I feel, and why I am so scared at the same time about change. But just know in the end that there is a purpose for all this confusion in my head, and I know that my feathers are all over the ground like I am shedding at this time. But know in the end tiger that this mess will get cleaned up, and that the road of recovery is hard, and what I learned tiger is that you don’t have to do it alone in the end.

So, with that all said, I will get going here and I will try to get something done today. I need to tell myself that I am okay where I am at. My health issues are big issues, and to feel this way is perfectly normal in the sense of what I am going through. When I get this health behind me things are going to get better. And even if there is no cure, I will still keep this fight going in the end no matter what. I just need to get over being scared, and I have to realize that there are thousands of people dealing with PTSD. And my cure is to be open as the best way I can. So with this be good to yourself and the others around you today.

Looking out my truck window…

Well enjoy this sunny afternoon as the sun will be setting in a few hours or less here. I was thinking about them new beginnings and what they really mean to me. And on my drive to see my grandfather today I was looking outside my window and seeing all the beauty that this Earth has provided for me in all the years that I have been living. And I first thought to myself how lucky I really am to be alive. I mean a few months ago was a different story which you all know from my past posts. But getting back here to what I am saying, I just found it so amazing like a child in a candy store trying to pick out what piece of candy I wanted. I felt like I was seven years old and it reminded me of the simple things that I had in my life when I was that child. It also helped me realize that my little coyote is where I was when I was that small. And it made me feel like that I have to step my game up and be a better father to her from this point forward in the sense of teaching her the simple things that I was seeing in this life when I was a smaller child then I am now. 

With that said I have a new beginning with my daughter in the sense of coming down to her level more. Being where I was at my point of my life serves no purpose to thinking my little coyote was 41 years old. I had to remember that she was only 6. So, I am going to make some healthy changes in what I need to do, and that is again showing my little coyote that life has it purposes, and it’s meanings. And I have a funny way that she is going to continue to school me in this process as well. Time will tell in the end. And I know that this is going to take time for me, I know that it won’t happen in a days time.

So these were a few things that I thought about today on that drive to my grandfathers house. I was so amazed by what is in front of me and that is my life, and that I have a lot to live for yet. And this process again is going to be a long road, but people like my dragon and tiger spirit are there for me, and I am happy that they are because I feel that they are needed in my life. How they are needed I let that for the Gods to figure that part out. But I look forward to any help that I can get from these two special people in my life. So I will close this by saying that I am taking small steps, and I mean small steps and that is what I am going to continue to do. Take my right foot and put it over my left at this very moment. I will be keeping you more posted as the days keep moving forward. Take care once again of yourself and the others around you…

New beginnings….

The rain is finally past the badger state after two long days of showers and thunderstorms. I can say there was no damage here at this farm at all. There were reports of tornadoes on the western side of the state and all I hear was reports of minor damage. So at least we survive that round of many more to go this spring and summer. I am here to today to talk about today is about new beginnings. I am not going to break the Easter meaning down completely, but if something would stick out to me about Easter it’s about new beginnings in your life.

I know people say that’s what New Years Day is about. And I would have to say yes that what New Years is about. But Easter is really about new beginnings in the sense of its meaning. In the spiritual side of what I believe in even the animals have new beginnings as well.

But the point of my short message today is to take a goal or dream and go make it happen. My goal is to get better by the doctors and the help of my spirit animals. I look forward to my new beginnings because I see an ending for this health issues I’m going through. And that gives me hope. 

So with this all said and this is a short post, I wanted to wish everybody a happy Easter. And like I said before it’s about beginnings, and more importantly it’s looking for that hope in these new beginnings. Take care of yourself, and take care of others around you today. And realize the simple miracles that are all around you.