I am going to tell you more about myself, I find this a helpful tool this blog, and I need to let these feelings out so that I can heal. I used the word reflecting for a reason, and that reason is because sitting here at my desk makes me think about things that has happened to me in my life. The news of my health today was a little set back for me in the sense of not knowing where my health is going to take me in the weeks or months ahead here. So, I thought that I would sit and reflect on my life the best way I can tell you.
When I was growing up in Racine and living with my mother at the time, I can remember a few good things about her, and one of the things I remember was that we would go downtown to the lighthouse on Lake Michigan and sit there on the bench and look at the water together. I always asked my mother why we came down to the lakeshore and always had to sit and look at the lighthouse and the water. Now bare with me on this, my mother only came down after she was sober enough to drive the car. But this time coming down to the lake was different for me. It was different in the sense of that she was talking normal to me. My mother when she was on drugs or drinking wouldn’t even know I was in the room with her, because she was high on drugs, or to drunk to even speak to me.
But sitting on the bench with her that afternoon I remember one thing my mother taught me as a young child, and that one thing was the word reflect. I asked my mother what that meant to reflect on something. Now I was maybe 9 or 10 at the oldest at this time. But my mother told me that you sometimes have to get away from the evilness of what the world is doing to you. And that you need to reflect on the good things that you have in front of you. I never could ever figure out my mother and her habits and her ways of who she was because there was never enough time to be with her due to working and doing drugs and drinking.
But if I learned one thing that day was that my mother was a real person underneath that darkness that she carried around her all the time. She taught me to reflect from time to time and appreciate the good things that are in front of you. So, I started doing that from time to time in my life experiences. I never thought that it was a good thing to reflect, until I was in a dark spot in my life. But where I am going with this is that I need to stop and listen to the spirit around me. And later I will explain in long detail about what the spirit is and what it has done for me as a human being.
In closing this, I never thought that I was going to be sick with something at this time I have no control over, and I thought I would take the time to talk about reflecting because I need to realize that my life has been blessed beyond measure, and it’s time to share these stories on this blog and to the people around me. For I am not guarantee another sunrise. So, with this said reflect on things that matter the most in your life, even though a lot of us have lived a lot of dark areas in our lives, let your reflections send a light to that darkness and tell you that your better than you ever had been before.
Well I woke up about 5 AM to get ready to see what was wrong with me in the health sense of things. I got to the hospital at 645AM and check in and I was with my father and we had a nice small talk about how you look back at your life and you see things so different then you did twenty years. One thing you learn about when your health is failing you that things are big in your life, really aren’t that big anymore to tell the truth. Your days seem to be less worrying about what you all had to do, and the days become how do you survive the ones you have left. My liver and gallbladder areas are failing me at this time. And I really don’t know why that is. I mean I lived a healthy life I never smoked or was a big drinker of any sore here. But when your body starts to attack you, then you begin to question what is attacking it. Well, going into the treatment today they took a scan of the gallbladder and liver area of my body. They use a machine that takes pictures for over an hour on these areas. They put an IV in your arm and put different chemicals to see what and how your organ react to the medicine that can make things better for you.
Well, I am now back at home writing in this blog, or I should say journal of my life because I feel that it is important to tell you what I feel on paper. Even if I never get a comment or a reply back that is not big deal to me at this time. I am doing this for myself in the sense that maybe God can help me figure things out soon with everything that has happened to me in the last 5 years of my life. I know that I am all over the place in this blog and I am sorry for anyone that is following my story. I will try to be as clear as I can for you, and I know that I want to tell my story right here, and if I jump all over the place again I am sorry for this.
But, in closing this…
I have to tell myself no matter what happens with my health that my life is full of many blessings that I have in it. I have to keep track of the good things in it during this time of darkness. This is the only way that I will survive here. But thank you for reading this story. And I hope that it will make your life blessed in a way that again might save your life.
Well to start this story lets start from the beginning. I was born in Milwaukee Wisconsin in a cold winter afternoon in 1975. I came into this world with a mother and father like we all do in the beginning. What I remember from this is that my parents got divorced shortly after I was born. I lived with my mother until I was 13 and then my father came into this story. I will break this all down better as the days go on. I will find this blog as a way to heal for myself. It’s hard to write things down on paper to see what you really been through in your life. I find this very hard at times because of the things we go through in this life. Some of things are very simple, and then again some things that I will go through will be the hardest things to talk about here on this blog due to that I am amazed that I am alive to tell the story. Again I will get into this as the time allows me too.
I will start with my mother first, she was born in 1951 to a family that was very strong in the religion standpoint. My mother had a great up bringing for the most part of her life. My grandparents I remember just a few things about for they died when I was in my teens. And as a young boy growing up, you never take the time to ask your grandparents questions that make sense to you until it is to late. And in my case my grandparents died in 1982 which was my grandmother on my mothers side, and then my grandfather died in 1991. But from what I knew about them they where simple people from what I gathered from talking to my parents over the years. But my mother graduated from high school. And my mother never went to college. For back in them those days it wasn’t necessary to do so. My mother had a lot of struggles in her childhood and adult life and all the way until her death in 2010. My mother story is a very sad story, but it made me who I am today due to these things that she went through and the things she made me go through as well.
Now my father story. He was born in 1950. My father came from a poor family and a very abused one if I can say that. My father grew up on the streets moving from place to place like I did myself many years later. My father graduated high school, and then joined the Army to serve his country in 1970. My father met my mother in 1969 and got married to her shortly after. The day of the marriage I do not have for the lack of information here. But after the marriage they lived in Germany while my father was serving the Army. My father got out of the Army in 1972. Then came back to Milwaukee to start a family. My brother was born first in 1973, then I came into the world in 1975. So this is a history of what my parents did and kind of how I came into this world to write this blog to share with you.
I am in the learning process of what a blog is and what it can do. So please bare with me as I will get my page all straighten out in the days to come. I know I am rusty at this, and I am actually okay with this, because this is my life and I can do what I need to do to making this a very special blog in the end. Well, back to figuring out how this all works, then I can get to the part you been waiting to read, the part of what a free spirit means and where this journey goes from here…
Well, I am learning that creating something for the world to see is not an easy task. I have asked myself why am I doing this for, I mean who really would take the time to read what I would have to say anyways. I should not be worrying about these things at this time. To tell you a bit about myself, I have a life that has been full of many blessings. I am a very simple person that looks at things differently than most people would due to the places I have been in my life. I look at life as being simple. It really isn’t that hard to figure that out when you take the time to turn off your phones or get off your social media sites. I have no Facebook or Twitter or any social media actually. I find this world a lot more peaceful this way. I know this is something that I believe in. I guess where I am going with this is that life is way to short, and I want to live in the moments that are in front of me. And sitting on my phone and not having the conversations that I should be happening is a very sad depressing thing for me. People are dying all around us everyday, and I think that it very important that you take the time to take a drive to see your parents, or even your friends or someone that you care about. You might not have that chance to in the days to come. People think that you are guarantee a new day everyday you wake up. But the question I have for you is do you really think that? These are somethings I want to hit in this blog and share my stories that might help change your life, or even might save it in the end.
Well, I am off to a new start with my life and I have been wonder where it is going to take me in the years to come. I am new at blogging and I thought that this would help me deal with my past issues and making great choices for a great future for myself. So, with this said I will hope to come here and post what ever is going on in my life and to see where this really goes for me.