Today started off hard for me. Just getting out of bed was a chore for me. I mean when you don’t sleep and eat right when your not feeling good things never are quite the same. I never felt so depressed as I looked out the window at the sun. But something has been plaguing for some quite time here, and that is waking up alone with yourself and your thoughts. I mean these are two different battles that I face. Sometimes I don’t know which one I should face first to be honest with you. I know that it is okay to be alone. And then the other hand it would be nice to wake up to that person that loved me for who I was.
Loosing people in your life, is a part of life. And sometimes that is hard to wrap your feelings around to be honest with you. One minute you can share your dreams with the one that you loved, and the next minute you don’t have that anymore. That is a hard thing for me to wrap my head around. I know I need to survive and be the person that I was born to be, and then at the same time all you want to do is just cry to yourself.
Lately, I have so much that I feel about this, and I have no one to share my feelings with. So, that is why I am writing this as well today. I will spill my guts out to the world and hope for some great miracle to happen for me. I am not all about feeling bad for myself, I just want to get up and have the hope that I used to have in my life. And right now I am lacking that hope. And that is difficult for me, because I am normally I’m not like this. I am usually happy and I am willing to wear my heart on my sleeves for people.
So, as I look at the sun today, I am sure thinking I can learn a lot by watching what it brings here to this world. I mean I am sure the sun doesn’t want to do things a lot of days either that we don’t know about, but no matter what it picks itself up in it times of struggles and keep bringing them rays of hope down for us. You can learn a lot about nature and God and it’s purposes if you just look around you and listen. That is my point with this post today. If the sun has to always give it’s best for us, then I need to be the best for myself so that others can feel my light in there times of darkness as well.