Looking out my window…

Well waking up today wasn’t as bad as yesterday. I woke up and laid in my bed for a few hours talking to God and to asking him with do I need to do different than yesterday. I woke up and walked around to loosen the sore muscles in my body from sleeping wrong. I mean I sleep all different ways in my bed, I even rip the pillow cases off the pillows. I mean who does this at all? I don’t know to many people out there other than myself that take there pillow cases off when they are sleeping. You can call me weird on this, I am perfectly okay with that actually.  And to top this off,  when I away the sheets are off the bed and I am laying there like a cold dog with out his blanket. But that is nothing new for me. I never was much of a sleeper since my journey started with spirit. I mean I never thought that being with spirit would keep me as busy as I am to be honest with you.

So, with this said I am in my office and it is a little pass noon here, and I look out my window to see the clouds yet from the rain and snow storm we had last night, and I look at the ways of what nature is telling me to look at. My other window I see the horses eating out of there feeders and they look peaceful at knowing that they are loved by this family around them. When I was looking at the horses I was amazed to see how they handle the stress of the weather. I mean they find strength in everything that mother nature throws at them. I am no horse whisperer, but if I had to guess what they are thinking, I would have to say that they are thinking about no matter how big the storm that they overcome it quickly due to the nature that they can’t be thinking negative for they know the better things are coming down the path for them.

I can learn a lot about there energy and how they adapt to everything that nature throws at them. When things are rough in my life, I have the choice to making it better, or I could just sit in this and make nothing out of life. What good is life at that point when you can’t get out of what your feeling. So, I choose to live the life that I think will get me through what ever nature of spirit wants me to do at this time. Yes, it hard always knowing that your not doing good, then I remind myself that there are worse off people in this world right now that would love to have what I have even though it might not be the best option for them. Things can always be worse. I have to keep this in my mind that it always could be worse. I mean I get to eat food, and drink clean water today. Just as simple as that. How many people are thinking about drinking clean water today? So with this all said, I will going into town to help people with the spiritual thing they are looking for. I will stop and get some coffee and I will enjoy my ride into town looking at the beauty of what God has given to me today.

Last thing I want to say is look out your window at some point today and know that there are things in this world that are worth every second of why your alive. Don’t take all day to search for them, no need for that when the miracles are standing right outside your window.

Almost midnight here…

Well as another day closes out, I wanted to end this day with one last post of the evening. I know that my posts today were very hard because they have talked about my struggles and pains that I am currently going through. But I wanted to end this night my saying a few things here, and the first one is that I did get through another day, I know that it wasn’t all my doing. I know that God has helped me in this journey so very much and I owe it to him to tell him thank you even in my times of troubles. I mean with out his help I don’t think I would still be alive here. I mean these are the miracles I have to believe in no matter how bad things get for me. The bottom line I got to see another day when a lot of people didn’t make it through this day.

I have to keep things in perspective here no matter what, I mean I know its okay to go through the pains, but make sure that you always come back to center at the end of what your feeling. I am so thankful for having this day to come and lay these problems on the world, it is very cleansing for me to come here and lay the stuff in my head here in these posts. I know that things are going to get better and I need to keep that perspective again here. But when your not feeling good it’s hard to fill the love around you. It’s hard to let the things in that are good too for that matter.

So goodnight world for another day, and I pray that tomorrow will be a new day in the sense of what I need to accomplish to start feeling better about myself during these tough times in my life.

Goodnight moon and Goodnight stars… And good night people every where you are. And know that you are loved by all, and most important you are loved by God.

The game of Memory…

Well here I sit this evening and ponder my next thoughts here…

I mean I am so lost for words this evening, and that isn’t like me to feel this way at this time. I feel like where is the hope in this. My life has been full of twists and turns for me. I just want to be on a path where my life isn’t going to have them twists or turns. I mean I know there is no way of getting around it, but I am trying to find what normal is for me. And I know that there is no such thing as normal for everyone out there, but I am trying so hard to find a plan to be on for awhile until I figure out my situation here.

I went to the doctors this afternoon, and I found out that the nervous system is playing a huge part to what I am feeling. I am loosing my memory of the simple everyday life tasks. I never thought I would be forgetting my birthday, or how to get back to my house. Or even yet what are my dogs names at times. When your walking around your house your balance is so off your walking into doors. Even at night when you wake up you get scared in your own bedroom thinking is this my house. And if it’s my house why don’t I remember anything in it.

I mean I know I can come to this computer and write a post. But then again why can’t I remember my dogs name, or remember that I have to drink water so I don’t dehydrate myself. You never realize how good things are until your having these issues like I am. I mean I am 41 years old with a lot of life yet, so I think. But when your forgetting the simple things of where you are. These are becoming problems. I learned that these issues of memory are serious for me at this time my doctor said and that they are nothing to play with.

I am writing this post to remind myself of my issues more than anything here. I know this seems crazy to who is ready this, but I do know how to get here yet, and that is hope for me at this time. I just hope my memory doesn’t get worse than what I am feeling at this time.

I always thought growing up that I would live forever and have the life of what everyone dreams of here, and then when your health starts to fail you then it’s an eye opener in the sense of that your not going to live forever. My liver and pancreas is failing me at this time due to this it is causing brain issues like memory loss due to the toxins not flushing through my liver at this time. I am being poisoned by my own liver and it’s causing other organs to start to fail. My big tests are on Friday morning and I am afraid of what they are going to find out to be honest with you. But telling you what is going on with me, might explain to the reasons my posts are so frustrating to me. This really isn’t like my to feel these thoughts. But when your sick as I am they say it perfect to feel these thoughts.

I just have a hard time believing in anything at this time. But I will continue to move forward until I can’t post anymore due to these serious issues I am facing. But in the end thank you to all that have taken the time to send your comments to me. And I hope to maintain what I can the best way I know how with this sickness. God blessings to you and your families out there, and remember one thing if I could tell you something here.  If your texting or looking at Facebook or any social media device, take the time to put them down and go give your family and friends or husbands or wife a call when you can. Hearing a voice is important these days. And the next time you see a loved one give them a hug, even if they don’t want one, because you never know what can happen from day to day, or from minute to minute in your life.

These are the things I wanted to tell you this evening…

I will be posting again soon with update and hopefully better stories of what I am all really about here. Until then take care of one another…