Well just got back from the doctors once again, and I have to go see some specialist for my liver now. I am at this part of the journey because my levels keep going up and there is nothing that they can do other than maybe the liver specialist to work there magic on me. It’s been a really rough road for me thus far, and if you are new to this blog you can see all the pains I been going through with my health issues here. I know that there has to be hope in the end no matter what the outcome might be here. I know that I was raised never to quit. Even when it comes to people to help them in every way I can. That is who I am, I am the rare thing that many people have told me. Why do you care so much about people when they don’t care about you in the ways you think? And I just look at that question and brush it off, because there is nothing better in this world to helping people.
I know that lately with my sickness I can’t do that too much, but being in and out of the hospitals has taught me a lot about myself in ways that I can tell you that we are all blessed. Even in times of sickness we are blessed. I know that makes no sense but if you can open your heart to see what around you, then it isn’t as bad as you think. I mean I have seen a lot of older couples in the hospital lately, and too see a man lying in his bed and his wife or sister by his side make me realize that even though I am fighting something really big here, that I will put all my effort into fighting this off. I mean I don’t know any of the couples that I have seen, but I seen the pain in there faces wondering if there loved ones will make it through the evening. IV bags around them and they are plugged into machines makes me tell myself I am not there yet to that point.
I better keep things in better perspective is what I have been telling myself lately. I know I don’t feel the best or my body can’t move like it wants to move for the reasons of my liver at this time. But I still have to fight the fight. I know I have said this a lot in my other posts. The best part of a blog is again I can put all my feelings out there and I don’t care what people think, it’s more than what people think here, it’s about my survival in the sense of letting go of the stress that I am feeling. I know that I am not the best at writing like a lot of people I have seen on there pages. But then again this isn’t about me trying to out do someone. This is about me opening my life for the first time and letting things out. That is the best thing about this, I am as a free spirit and I need to focus on the good things around me. I have no choice in this matter. But, to sum up today is that I am alive and that things might not be the best at this time, but I will make the best of what time is left in this day.
So, I will step away from this computer and tell myself to go for a walk with nature and look at all the simple things that I normally take for granted. I mean I never know anymore how many sunsets are left in me, or how many more moon rises are left, or sun rises for that matter. And tonight I think I will suit up and go start a campfire and look at the stars in the sky. I love the night sky, I can’t get enough of the beauty of what the good Lord has done for me. So, I will end this like I always try to end it, by saying love yourself so that you can go out there and love someone that needs its the most here. Have a great afternoon and evening, and I am going to let my soul take me to where I need to be the rest of the day…