Frustrations…

Frustrations is all I can feel at this time, and this post is going to be about just that word. I mean I have to get this stuff out of my closet to the way I am feeling, and I don’t really care about what people think, this is about me and nobody else for this matter. I am learning to deal the cards that were dealt to me when it came to who I am as a person. I am realizing one of the cards is my health. I don’t know how much is really left in my tank battling this. I mean I am trying my best to getting answers and all I am getting is the run around. I mean when you tell your doctor about the pains your feeling and they say well we are going to give you this miracle drug to fix it, that isn’t fixing the problem. I am not into drugs, or drinking for that matter. And sometimes to be honest I wish I was so that I didn’t have to feel these pains that I am going through here. I know better than turning to drugs and drinking anyways.

The point being is when is someone going to take the time to realize that I have a serious problem physically here. My mental health is breaking down over this as well, and too tell you the truth, when your afraid to go to bed at night because your afraid that your not going to wake up because of what the liver is doing to you then that is a serious problem. I mean I don’t go to bed until like 230 or 3 in the morning lately due to this issue that I am facing with myself at this time. I mean it is simple here and I am fighting everything that is in front of me. I am not this type of person that likes to fight everything all the damn time here. I am a person that has a lot of love to give, and when this goes on I feel like all the love that I have given means nothing anymore to anyone as I find this out lately. The world isn’t fair at all, and I think that I am entitled to answers and to come to find out I am not entitled to anything. And that is a very hard concept for me to realize here. I mean I want everything to work out, and yet when you don’t get answers life become more and more harder.

I feel like the only person in the world that wears my heart on my sleeves, and all I get in return from this is hurt or pain. I don’t really know what to say anymore when all I try to do is good things. I mean I am far from being perfect in this life, but I believe that given your time to people matters. But then when you think your getting somewhere, you find out that it didn’t matter in the end that’s the part that really hurts. I mean who I am to think that I can get straight answers out from anyone. The world doesn’t work that way and I have to realize this once again here.

Frustations for me are trying to find answers when sometimes there is no answers to any of it. And that sums up my day and this post for this matter. I just have to hang in there and figure things out yet, and sometimes that is the hardest part of it all. Being here and wondering if your going to live to see another day is not the way I want to live. But at least I got some of my frustrations out in this post. I kind of feel better in a weird way, but I needed this. That is why I started this blog I think, I want to be telling great things, but at the same time I want to keep it real with who I am as a person…

17 thoughts on “Frustrations…

  1. Man oh man, I was so hoping that today was going better for you and you hit some answers. I’m so sorry and it reminds me why I don’t like to see the doctors and I have been a Guinea pig myself put on cancer meds without having cancer. I’m not a drug person either as it is merely a bandaid to the problem treating some symptoms but not he cause. And so my autoimmune disease continues to go untreated.
    Is there some research you can do as far as doctors go in your area. Check reviews, recommendations etc? Man I know it has to be tough to get your hopes up for answers and nobody really takes anything serious because it’s not the who experience the pain etc. I wish I could say more and my heart truly goes out to you. I’m running out of things to say here to keep you motivated and hopeful while believing. And while we are ranting and are talking about frustrations, I will join you by saying that this is truly messed up. It makes me dislike the whole healthcare system even more. I’m sure you did your own research already….did you come up with any clues.
    Check back with later…

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    1. The health care system is broken and I’m learning that from my point of view here. Sometimes it’s difficult to breath at times. I just am loosing my hope for surviving here, I really don’t have much left in the tank. But thank you for your kind words again in this. I will be in touch when I can with you…

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      1. One thing is for certain and that is that you can’t give up. It’s not the world that is broken, but the people and giving up is not optional you hear. You gotta find a little stubbornness because this is not how the story is going to end and you will not let people win because they are failing you. You are enduring much at this time and they say that we may never know how strong we are until being strong is all we have left. So no nonsense about having nothing left in the tank, you yourself said you don’t know how much there is and its your time to be strong. Whatever it takes.

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      2. As you get to know me better you will learn that I won’t say anything I don’t mean. So I let you in on a little secret and let you know that I meant every word. A friend once told me that giving up is not optional as I was ready to throw in the towel and those words pulled me thru I believe. That had a huge impact and now I will put them to great use by paying them forward with you. May they mean to you what they meant to me and have the same purpose.
        And thank a for the hug 😉

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      3. Well thanks and I know we are together for a reason in this health thing. Again I will say this over and over there is a reason why we met. And I am starting to believe it for times like these in my life. And your words are what I need to hear believe they are words for my soul. And glad you felt my hug..

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      4. So then you also know that you are not alone, in this or at any time. Got to run for awhile and talk to you soon. Rest up and think of something soothing to your soul. Listen to music and let it carry you away for awhile.

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      5. Well all I do is listen to music, and I find it my best way to getting away from this world when things are bad at this time. Tomorrow is another doctor appointment in the morning around 10. I just hope things will go better in the sense of knowing a better picture of what is really going on. My levels are increasing daily and they seem to tell me that they don’t know what is causing this levels to keep going up, if they get any higher than my brain my shut off like going into a coma. So, I am getting a little bit more nervous and putting my hands into someone that just tells me they don’t know what is going on. But, I will try to remind strong and keep moving forward that is all I really have in the end of things here. But thanks for checking in with me. I will keep you posted.

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      6. We will see what will happen for sure tomorrow, and I notice that one thing is for sure no matter what happens it will be good either way, the reason is that the sooner I accept that there might not be an answer then the better I can prepare myself for anything that will come my way in the sense of living my days to the fullest. It’s the simple things that get us through these times, and I have to start believing in that again.

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      7. You don’t need to wait for answers and you should start living this way already. Seize the moment as much as you can and make the best out of it. I know it’s easier said then done, but you have to try.
        Talk to you soon.

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      8. Well, I am working yet in my office for awhile yet, a lot of paperwork has to get done before tax season. But I get your point and on that note. My dream was very similar, and if the stars could talk to you, they would say to you, that this fight isn’t over by a long shot with my health, and last the stars would whisper to you and say, thank you for being there for me and more. With this said have a great night and I will check back tomorrow at some point…

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