Looking at the rain…

Well, I am home resting today, and I told myself what a ride it has been with my health and all the ups and down lately with these liver issues. To tell you the truth I am not a drinker or smoker, and to have this many problem problems is hard to believe at my young age of 41. But I am learning that there are big lessons with these problems. And these lessons are making me stronger a long the way to knowing that I will pull through this, it’s just a matter of time when that will happen for me. I can’t let my life stop because of these pains that I am feeling inside. I mean I want to start writing about the things that are changing people’s lives out there like I was doing before I was getting sick here with this liver and it’s issues.

Today it is raining outside here looking out my window, and I am trying to see that God is at work washing away the things that needed to be cleaned at this time. I am in that process as well washing this pain away that I feel lately with my health. I want to just go out there and feel that cold rain on my skin, but I am too cold for that lately. And I have to keep my body warm due to my conditions at this time. But looking at the rain and seeing how it is falling something reminds me of my life and all my falls that I have made it in it.

There is nothing wrong with crying here, and I have done that in the last few weeks about everything that has happened in my life. And they say crying is good for the soul, and I starting to realize that it is really okay to cry. Sometimes looking out the window I think that those raindrops are God’s tears, I think he sees a lot of pain of what we did as human everyday. And I wouldn’t want to be God, for his pains are big as we keep suffering down here on this Earth.

In the end, I am not going to give up, I am going to continue to fight the fight, and I am going to make a difference everyday even if it is a real small difference the point being is that life doesn’t slow down even when your sick. It keeps moving no matter what, and maybe that is my lesson today, we keep moving on. That is what is about in the end. The pains will be there, but you only have one chance at this and why sit there and let life beat you down. So, with this said learn to love yourself and go out there and love one another…

Still alive…

Today has been really rough for me. My body pain levels are at an all time high here. I might be going back into the doctors office this evening if the pain doesn’t go away like it should be. I know that my liver is suffering, just don’t know how much it’s really suffering to be honest with you. I was never a drinker or smoker in my life, and to have something like this going on is really big for me in the sense that I don’t want to die. I come to write in these posts to give you and update from time to time. I hope that I will continue to keep writing in these posts. If you don’t see any in a few days then you know something has gone wrong with my health.

In the end I wanted to thank everyone for there support in this rough journey with me. I hope and pray that some cure is coming for me down the road. I have to stay strong and I am working on this during this difficult time of my life. Well, I will post more later in the day hopefully unless something changes for the worse.

But until next time love yourself, and go out and love one another as well…

Another day winding down

Well, I am holding this evening and I can’t thank the few people that actually reach out to me and you all know who you are that did, and with that said thank you.

As this day is coming to a close, I have to say it turned out better than I thought. I learned a lot about myself today, and what I learned the most is that it is okay to let go of things that were hurting me before. I tend to hang on to things way to long. I mean when something happens I have to break it down, and then break it down again and again like maybe 10,000 times or more, and then after that another 10,000. And then finally I let it go once and for all. I don’t know how many people do this, but I need to stop myself from doing this because it really slows your life down.

But getting back to things, I told myself that I would be okay, and no matter what happens I will work through these pains or struggles. I mean I have no choice but to do this. And knowing this makes it feel a little better even if it’s for a second at a time here.

But closing out this post, I can thank the Lord above for giving me another day at life. And I can thank him for the few friends that I do have, and also when things take a turn for the worse like they did today that I didn’t let me beat myself down like it normally would have. So with this, I have a lot to be thankful for. And I hope that anyone that is reading this post is thankful for what they have in front of them too. Life is too short for games, in the end it is keeping as real as you can with yourself and others. No better way to live by these simple lessons. Until next time love yourself, and learn to live one another…

Well I am recovering…

I just got home to sit in front of my computer and to tell the world today that my morning surgery is over, and I am waiting for the results that hopefully will change my mind forever in the sense of moving forward. Am I scared, to tell you the truth I am scared as anyone would be if they were in my spot. I have to remain calm and hope for a great result, and even not a great result then I will worry about that a future time.

I will be in touch later with more posts, I need to go recover and take a afternoon nap. But thank you to all out there that have helped me in this  journey so far, your efforts will not be forgotten…

Love one another…

The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. We think that we don’t deserve love, we think if we let it in we’ll become too soft. In the end, what of I learned is love is only rational act. We need to focus more on loving each other and loving ourselves in this world. With this all said, knowing this it makes your life more filling.

Let me talk about why I am bringing all this up for, I have lost the love of my life and for that I am not asking for anything in return, but I have to start to learn to love for myself again here. I have to love evening if there is a chance that I might die. And knowing that you can die at any time makes it better in the sense of that I better make the right choices when it comes to love so that I have no regrets on anything or anyone for this matter.

The bottom line here as you grow, you learn more about yourself. And I never stop thinking that we ever stop growing in our lives, even when it comes do dying. That is why I believe we should be fully present in what we do in our lives. Don’t worry about the things you have no control over, but control and stay in the focus of the present things that can change your outcome. None of this is easy at all. You have to try hard at everything we do as human beings. But I think when it comes to the focus on what ahead of you, then you need to give it all your attention. That doesn’t mean letting the past slip back in. The word past means it done already and you can’t get that time back. People always around say I am going to make up for lost time, and to tell you the truth about it, the lost time is gone. That is what the word lost means.

I know that we all struggle through these events in our lives. But taking issues on and making results out of them is more important that any pity party we can give ourselves at this time. That is love to me, it loving someone more than you love yourself. But not taking so far that you forget that who you are in this either. Love is a powerful word that gets used a lot in today world. But are we really understanding it power and what it really means for us?

Love to me is staying alive no matter what life will throw at you. And even after we die, love must stay there for the people around us, that’s very important part of love. I know that some people believe well how does love stay around after a person dies? And to tell you the truth it is the memories that where made out of love that keeps that person love alive in your heart. That is what I learned about love, it’s more than saying it to me, it’s keeping that flame in your heart about that person that changed your life in some ways of meanings. When I lost the love of my life, I didn’t just stop and changed directions, I went to her love and put it even more in my heart so that I could move on with my life. Yes, it is painful, but without pain we do not grow as human beings either.

Love has no limits of what a person can put on it. Love has to be patient in our lives. These are lessons that I am forgetting today about love. How can I remember to tell myself to keep loving in these times of struggles? Well if I had to answer my own question then I would have to tell myself that there are miracles at work, and that I can learn to not shut down, but to open up more in my times of trouble here.

So, leaving this post, the best thing you can do again for yourself today is to go tell someone that means something to you that you love them. I mean really do this, because there is no guarantee for the next hour of your life. So, go pick up our phone or go for that drive and see someone that you haven’t seen in weeks or months. Believe me when I tell you that there is no better gift of giving someone your time. There is no price for the time you can spend with people that care about you.

Well, I hope this helps people out there what my meaning of love is to me, from my heart to yours.

Going into the unknowns…

Well, I sit here after a day that I had to put our dog down, and I am looking out the window and the grey heavy rain clouds. I sit here and wonder why I am writing a post. I was really in no mood for writing anything today. I wanted to go out there and get a few things done before tomorrow’s big day. But the weather had to slow my ideas down of what I should of been doing. And maybe that is a sign that I just need to slow down a bit today and take my time and just figure out what next for my life. I mean I know that I haven’t been thinking about tomorrow’s big appointment for I don’t want to find out the results of what is truly going on with me at this time.

Then the other part of me is like maybe it is a good thing to find out then you can adjust your life to making things better in the end. I am so all over this post once again trying to figuring out what the plans are for me in the end here.

So I will end by saying even though it is raining out today, I will try my hardest to making things happening in the sense of me slowing down a bit and realizing what I need to do and feel about after tomorrow’s big day so that I can plan for a better future for my daughter and myself. In the end this is all I have left is my daughter and myself. So, I pray to God that some miracles are coming around the corner for me that’s all I can do at this time anyways. I have to be a bit more patient in the sense that it will get better. I have no choice in this way of thinking…

Sam quote to Frodo…

One of the quote that sums up the day I had today, these words are some of the biggest words these little hobbits had. And to me if these little hobbits can make the difference so can I in a time of darkness too.

I can’t do this, Sam.

I know. It’s all wrong By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are.It’s like in the great stories Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy.
How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened. But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow.Even darkness must pass.

A new day will come.And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why.But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.

What are we holding on to, Sam?

That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.