I am sitting here pondering another thought that I had this afternoon and this rainy day. And that thought of being alone in my life, and what that really means. Well I have learned in these last few days that I been in a struggle trying to figure out why I don’t want to be alone and then when I want to be close then it’s even more a struggle than being alone. I mean I think sometimes your better with your thoughts and just keeping them to yourself at these times of your life. I mean I think if you push hard then you never get the results that you are looking for in the end anyways. Life isn’t made to be pushed around. Life will tell you when things are ready and for this that word comes into play that everyone hates and that word is being patience with everything around you.
It hard in the end to wanting things to work out for yourself. That is the where being patience comes in and that is also where your faith comes in the end of this message too. It’s putting yourself out there in the things and place that are unseen at this time for myself and taking them chances with no matter what the outcome might be in the end for all that are around me at this time.
I have learned a lot about my faith in this past week and I would have to tell you that I have seen a lot of unseen things in it already. From the spiritual side of it to all the way of trying to help people in the sense of giving them a direction or a choice. Let me tell you that there is nothing easy about any of this.
So, that is my short message for this afternoon. Just know that no matter what happens to be you in the end, and always know that you will be okay no matter what the out come is. Take care of yourself and take care of the others around you…
Well, today is the last day of February, and it’s great to know that I got to live to see another month play out. I mean the thing might not have played out the way I wanted it to be, but in the end it’s about being a live and even though I am not well, the point being that I had another month to live where a lot of people never got to make it is far. I find that amazing, am I the lucky one here? Actually, I don’t feel lucky, but I do thank the Lord for making this all possible for me. What else can I say to that I mean? Nothing to much really here, just to know that how blessed that I really am here.
So tomorrow we are off to March. And who know what this month will bring for all of us. I want it to be one of the months that bring happiness to all that are out there living life. I am a simple person and this will be a simple message today that I just want life to be as full as I can make it. The bottom line is I hope that everyone that reads this short message today just takes time to look at there lives and realize that they lived another month and more importantly than that is to just know that to appreciate everything that has gotten you this far in your life.
So, in closing like I always say here is to love yourself and go out and make that difference because you might never have that chance to look at things the same when it is to late in your life. Until again just enjoy the mysteries of God…
Well off to this mid day again here, as I sit by my computer I see that we really got a lot of snow last night. I think a total of over 7 inches is what we got. My daughter is outside with her grandmother snowshoeing today. Since I can’t due to my levels being to high in my body. As I watch my daughter grow up it makes me proud to see her living the life the way she is living it. I know that things have been rough for my daughter in the last few years, and then my major health issues here. I just feel bad at this time because of my skills that I am lacking as a father due to again my health.
I am so glad that my parents her grandparents are there for her. That really helps her a lot. My daughter is on them snowshoes looking for coyotes prints in the fresh snow with her grandmother. I think that my daughter feels the spirit of the coyotes a lot in her blood. My daughter growing up with me being in the martial arts has always learned that there is spirit in every animal we look at. I know that I study the tiger, and the crane and the snake and the panther and last the dragon in my style, but I know that the other animals are just as important to our existence on this Earth.
So with this said the spirit of the coyote is really strong with my daughter. The coyote to me is an animal that really studies it pray, it only comes out mostly at night to hunt. But the coyotes have a way of communicating at night, and my daughter goes out there and howls when they are howling. I wonder what my daughter is trying to say to them? And I wonder what the coyotes are trying to say to her as well. But then again that is the mystery of what is between the coyotes and my daughter.
So, being out looking at my daughter walking around just makes me proud. I hope to keep teaching her about the spirits of nature like my old master used to teach me when I was studying the art. I still study the art, but it so different now that master has passed on, and to me I think that he communicates to my daughter as them coyotes out in the wild. With this said I hope that you have a great afternoon and make sure that you listen to nature when you get the chance too. You never know what the message you might hear if you keep you open to it. Be good to yourself and one another…
Well we got hit with new snow after having 7 days of higher than normal temps in our area. Today we received over 4 inches of new white snow and maybe another 3 inches to come tonight depending on the track of the storm. It was so hard to believe that it was in the middle 60’s this past week and now to see snow and the temps in the lower 20’s is a little hard to take at this time. But we are still in February here. And next week we roll into the month of March which to me is even harder to believe. Time is moving so fast lately. I mean spring is just around the corner here for us. I never thought that every year goes faster than the year before. But it’s not about slowing the clock down, it’s about enjoy what is truly in front you. And to me that is where sometimes we overlook things in out life.
I mean I never stop to take the time to really watch the snow fall to much. I am always in a different frame of mind lately. But then again today I did take some time and looked out my office window from home and realized that this snow is important to nature. And I took the time to realizing that the snow is pure and brings things to the crops and the rivers and the lakes around where I live. I believe in the power of spirit and what it does for us as we continue to move forward in this life.
I know that the trees will be waking up from there silence soon the leaves will be budding soon in less than a month or so, and the flowers will be coming back out of the ground for another year. These are all spiritual things for me. I know that the trees are talking just like the flowers in the ground. Everything has to co-exist with each other. Even the animals are in talk about the arrival of spring. And to be honest everything has the energy in it to making things happen around us.
So in the end watching the snow is a great thing, before you know it the snow will be gone and the trees will be back in full colors and the flowers will be blooming in the fields around this farm. I just have to take some time and look and realize that things are in motion that we can not stop at this time. For I would not want to stop it anyways. It’s important to be in tuned what nature is telling us I believe and for this I must stop to pay attention what is around us. For time is moving and I must just take the time to listen to the things around me at this time. With all this said, have a great rest of your day and take the time to listen to the things around us…
Well, what a day indeed, the weather first is changing again, from being in the middle 60’s now we have a winter storm warning again for out area tonight into early Saturday morning. Maybe another 6 to 8 inches of fresh snow to hit the ground. So hard to believe that we lost all the snow we had, to getting some fresh stuff back on the ground this weekend. The snow is good for us around here, because the farmers need it for there crops in the spring time. So, I look at it this way there is nothing your going to do to change mother nature that’s for sure.
But I am writing today to tell you that I am doing the best with the very little I have left in the tank. I am waiting for the doctors to get back to me about exactly what they are going to be doing with me at some point when it comes to this liver and pancreatic issues that have been going on for over 7 months here. It’s sometimes just hard to sit and wait for answers when your the one not feeling good at all here. If I just could get some energy back for starters it would be great. I am doing the best to maintain what I have with the energy I have at this time.
But in the end of this short post, I will keep praying for the miracles around me and that things will soon be coming to an end with these plaguing things on my mind. I will keep you posted with all the details that the doctors will find out yet today or tomorrow for sure. But until then, may your day as be as full as it possibly can be. And just make sure to take in all the small things around you. For you never know when it could be your last day here on this earth. Take care and many blessings to you.
Well of to another Thursday, and my morning was the the morning I thought that I was going to have when it came going to the doctors. I am finding out more and more things that are not really that good when it comes to looking into my health side of things. I am learning this is one fight that I never thought I would be in when it came to my health. And when you want to get help with your issues, then everyone wants to fight you for some strange reasons, and your the one with the sickness, and all you find is doors closing in your face. And I don’t think that is right, but then again I am not in the field of the medical side of things either.
It’s hard to believe that I have over 400,000 dollars tied into this, and no answers to my health failing me yet. I look at that money and can’t believe that there has no been one answer to anything that I am going through yet. I am going to the Madison where there is bigger help for me. And going down there is over a 2 to 3 hour trip one way. But they have some of the best doctors in the world working at the university there. This is my last true hope of getting some kind of help for my liver and pancreas.
Well, my posts are starting to sound all the same here, and I am sorry for that, actually I am not, these are my feelings and I want to keep things real on what I feel here when it comes to the issues that are upon me at this time. But, I will know walk away from this computer and get outside and do some walking I think, that always helps clean the soul. I have to go back and remember it is the simple things that we need to look at. And for me going for that walk in simple enough in the sense of clearing the mind set. Take care, and take care of each other as well…
Well it is another nice day outside today, the temps are going to keep climbing from this point forward. The 50’s and lower 60’s are on the way for the weekend here which will be really nice to have. We haven’t been that warm since October of last year. But I am writing to tell you that things are going better, I am getting myself to a bigger hospital that will be reviewing my case with my lungs and pancreas and liver. I find that hopefully this time around I will have more of a clear picture to what has been going on with me since I been fighting this for over six months.
I came to write about today that I am calm, and for me that feeling of being calm is something that I haven’t felt in quite some time. Being alone with your thoughts can drive you crazy. But then after awhile you hit a point of knowing that you have no control of your health and that you have to give that to God above. And when you know that time is ticking away and being in a dark spot makes you realized that your wasting time in the good things you should be doing.
I know that it hard to be happy when your feeling down and out. It’s hard to move forward at times when you are truly alone with your thoughts. But then you tell yourself that you have to pick up the pieces at some point and start moving forward. Sitting in pain isn’t what I wanted to do in my life. I want to get to that point that I am truly at peace with everything that I have done in my life. I know that I will get there. Everything takes times and I just have to realize that it’s going to take more time. And sometimes that is the hard part of this story. You don’t want to wait, you want to move and makes things happen again.
In the end of this post, I am calm like I said before in this, and I hope to remain there as long as I can. I find peace without worrying to much here about things I have no control over anyways. So, with this said, I will continue to move forward and know that I put my faith into God and that he will get me through these days of struggles. Until then be good to each other and know that everything will get better if you believe…