I am sitting here pondering another thought that I had this afternoon and this rainy day. And that thought of being alone in my life, and what that really means. Well I have learned in these last few days that I been in a struggle trying to figure out why I don’t want to be alone and then when I want to be close then it’s even more a struggle than being alone. I mean I think sometimes your better with your thoughts and just keeping them to yourself at these times of your life. I mean I think if you push hard then you never get the results that you are looking for in the end anyways. Life isn’t made to be pushed around. Life will tell you when things are ready and for this that word comes into play that everyone hates and that word is being patience with everything around you.
It hard in the end to wanting things to work out for yourself. That is the where being patience comes in and that is also where your faith comes in the end of this message too. It’s putting yourself out there in the things and place that are unseen at this time for myself and taking them chances with no matter what the outcome might be in the end for all that are around me at this time.
I have learned a lot about my faith in this past week and I would have to tell you that I have seen a lot of unseen things in it already. From the spiritual side of it to all the way of trying to help people in the sense of giving them a direction or a choice. Let me tell you that there is nothing easy about any of this.
So, that is my short message for this afternoon. Just know that no matter what happens to be you in the end, and always know that you will be okay no matter what the out come is. Take care of yourself and take care of the others around you…
Well, today is the last day of February, and it’s great to know that I got to live to see another month play out. I mean the thing might not have played out the way I wanted it to be, but in the end it’s about being a live and even though I am not well, the point being that I had another month to live where a lot of people never got to make it is far. I find that amazing, am I the lucky one here? Actually, I don’t feel lucky, but I do thank the Lord for making this all possible for me. What else can I say to that I mean? Nothing to much really here, just to know that how blessed that I really am here.
So tomorrow we are off to March. And who know what this month will bring for all of us. I want it to be one of the months that bring happiness to all that are out there living life. I am a simple person and this will be a simple message today that I just want life to be as full as I can make it. The bottom line is I hope that everyone that reads this short message today just takes time to look at there lives and realize that they lived another month and more importantly than that is to just know that to appreciate everything that has gotten you this far in your life.
So, in closing like I always say here is to love yourself and go out and make that difference because you might never have that chance to look at things the same when it is to late in your life. Until again just enjoy the mysteries of God…
Well off to this mid day again here, as I sit by my computer I see that we really got a lot of snow last night. I think a total of over 7 inches is what we got. My daughter is outside with her grandmother snowshoeing today. Since I can’t due to my levels being to high in my body. As I watch my daughter grow up it makes me proud to see her living the life the way she is living it. I know that things have been rough for my daughter in the last few years, and then my major health issues here. I just feel bad at this time because of my skills that I am lacking as a father due to again my health.
I am so glad that my parents her grandparents are there for her. That really helps her a lot. My daughter is on them snowshoes looking for coyotes prints in the fresh snow with her grandmother. I think that my daughter feels the spirit of the coyotes a lot in her blood. My daughter growing up with me being in the martial arts has always learned that there is spirit in every animal we look at. I know that I study the tiger, and the crane and the snake and the panther and last the dragon in my style, but I know that the other animals are just as important to our existence on this Earth.
So with this said the spirit of the coyote is really strong with my daughter. The coyote to me is an animal that really studies it pray, it only comes out mostly at night to hunt. But the coyotes have a way of communicating at night, and my daughter goes out there and howls when they are howling. I wonder what my daughter is trying to say to them? And I wonder what the coyotes are trying to say to her as well. But then again that is the mystery of what is between the coyotes and my daughter.
So, being out looking at my daughter walking around just makes me proud. I hope to keep teaching her about the spirits of nature like my old master used to teach me when I was studying the art. I still study the art, but it so different now that master has passed on, and to me I think that he communicates to my daughter as them coyotes out in the wild. With this said I hope that you have a great afternoon and make sure that you listen to nature when you get the chance too. You never know what the message you might hear if you keep you open to it. Be good to yourself and one another…
Well we got hit with new snow after having 7 days of higher than normal temps in our area. Today we received over 4 inches of new white snow and maybe another 3 inches to come tonight depending on the track of the storm. It was so hard to believe that it was in the middle 60’s this past week and now to see snow and the temps in the lower 20’s is a little hard to take at this time. But we are still in February here. And next week we roll into the month of March which to me is even harder to believe. Time is moving so fast lately. I mean spring is just around the corner here for us. I never thought that every year goes faster than the year before. But it’s not about slowing the clock down, it’s about enjoy what is truly in front you. And to me that is where sometimes we overlook things in out life.
I mean I never stop to take the time to really watch the snow fall to much. I am always in a different frame of mind lately. But then again today I did take some time and looked out my office window from home and realized that this snow is important to nature. And I took the time to realizing that the snow is pure and brings things to the crops and the rivers and the lakes around where I live. I believe in the power of spirit and what it does for us as we continue to move forward in this life.
I know that the trees will be waking up from there silence soon the leaves will be budding soon in less than a month or so, and the flowers will be coming back out of the ground for another year. These are all spiritual things for me. I know that the trees are talking just like the flowers in the ground. Everything has to co-exist with each other. Even the animals are in talk about the arrival of spring. And to be honest everything has the energy in it to making things happen around us.
So in the end watching the snow is a great thing, before you know it the snow will be gone and the trees will be back in full colors and the flowers will be blooming in the fields around this farm. I just have to take some time and look and realize that things are in motion that we can not stop at this time. For I would not want to stop it anyways. It’s important to be in tuned what nature is telling us I believe and for this I must stop to pay attention what is around us. For time is moving and I must just take the time to listen to the things around me at this time. With all this said, have a great rest of your day and take the time to listen to the things around us…
Well, what a day indeed, the weather first is changing again, from being in the middle 60’s now we have a winter storm warning again for out area tonight into early Saturday morning. Maybe another 6 to 8 inches of fresh snow to hit the ground. So hard to believe that we lost all the snow we had, to getting some fresh stuff back on the ground this weekend. The snow is good for us around here, because the farmers need it for there crops in the spring time. So, I look at it this way there is nothing your going to do to change mother nature that’s for sure.
But I am writing today to tell you that I am doing the best with the very little I have left in the tank. I am waiting for the doctors to get back to me about exactly what they are going to be doing with me at some point when it comes to this liver and pancreatic issues that have been going on for over 7 months here. It’s sometimes just hard to sit and wait for answers when your the one not feeling good at all here. If I just could get some energy back for starters it would be great. I am doing the best to maintain what I have with the energy I have at this time.
But in the end of this short post, I will keep praying for the miracles around me and that things will soon be coming to an end with these plaguing things on my mind. I will keep you posted with all the details that the doctors will find out yet today or tomorrow for sure. But until then, may your day as be as full as it possibly can be. And just make sure to take in all the small things around you. For you never know when it could be your last day here on this earth. Take care and many blessings to you.
Well I went down for more testing on my body today, and I learned that my oxygen levels are very low like 32% and normal is between 80% and 100%. So that was the first shock of the day why my levels are that low. And to the doctors they say that there low due to the liver not working right by filtering the blood right. I have a high amount of toxins in the blood stream. Which again is a big mess at the same time. And then when they nicked the pancreas they found out that the air is still inside the pancreas as well. Everything will take time to figuring out what is going on with what here. I know this is very confusing to read this, and I am very confused about this myself in the sense of what is really going on.
My levels are increasing and yet I keep getting the run around to what the problem really is. This is another doctor with an another set of views to what he thinks is going on here. That is what makes this so frustrating actually to me is that they never have the same story here. And that is what scares me at the same time too, that they just are looking to fix me here. But I have to remain strong in the end here, and that is what I am going to keep working on here. Talking to God today was a hard thing, like it is every day for matter because sometimes I really need him to help me, and in times like this I feel so alone in this fight.
I mean I can’t blame God for this, I mean it’s not his fault that I am sick, but praying to him lately has been very hard in the sense that you want things to change and they just aren’t going fast enough here at all. But in the end of this post, I hope to get more answers in the days to come. I have to keep my faith in tack here no matter what, and that is what I am going to do. In the end I know it seems like a broken record these posts, but then again these posts are my feelings, and to me that is all that matters that I get what ever is in my mind out to this post. I find comfort in this for some reason and I will continue to keep this going because again I find peace at what I write in this. Until then love one another and many blessings to you…
What a day in the sense of knowing what you want in this life, versus the part that you don’t want in your life. I was driving this afternoon with the sun on my shoulders and I was thinking to myself about what I really wanted in the end here when it came to my life and and goals. As I was looking out the window looking at all the farm fields around me I was thinking about my daughter and how I want her life to be better than what my life could ever be. I know that my health has been a major stress on her and my family for this matter. But I was thinking about how beautiful my daughter really is. I mean she has no worries about her health and this time. All she really thinks about is being a kid. And that is really good, and I want to keep her this way as long as I can.
I know that it’s not going to last forever that she will be this way, but for some reasons looking at her is teaching me things about myself that I forgot was possible. I mean children have a great tool of brushing things off right away after they happen, where us adults like to think about it for a day or many days after for that matter. I look at my daughter issues and in her world her issues are big, I mean she gets mad over the things that adults would just sit back and go really? But, I have learned by watching her it is about the small things in this life. I mean she is always teaching things about my life that I never think about. Like for an example my daughter loves coyotes, and she wants to be with nature with these coyotes, and I have no ideas why to be honest with you. But every time we go outside it’s about what the coyotes are doing, and are they hunting for there evening food.
I look at my daughter at some points and ask her what the big deal is about these coyotes. And she looks and tells me that they are just as important as us humans are. And I don’t understand why a six year old girl really cares this much about coyotes. But she tells me that there is purpose for these coyotes. And that we have to be careful and listen to what the coyotes are saying to each other. At this point I think that I am going nuts here for listening to this. But then it dawn on me about my daughter, she doesn’t care if it was deer, or buffalo or any other animal, but she likes the coyotes because they are animals that are tough in her book. They hunt for food and that they have a pretty howl as she calls it. But she sees the beauty in these coyotes and doesn’t judge them at all and what they are all about, other than they are here for God’s reasons only. Let me tell you my daughter is pretty smart, and I am not saying this because she is my only daughter, she is really smart. But listening to her talk about these things makes me realize that there is purpose for everything we do in this life.
No matter what I still have to fight the fight here, and if my daughter can teach me about the simple things in life even about coyotes, then I have to tell myself that I am capable of doing the same things as her. I got all this is my head as I was driving back from town and just listening to the noises all around me. I had the radio off, and I just felt something that I never felt before in the sense that I have the will to live yet, and that I don’t want to die yet because I have a lot to learn from my six year old daughter yet. So in closing this post, just realize that even the smallest people can teach you a few things about your life so that it doesn’t have to be this hard in the end. My daughter I wanted to tell you that I love you, and that your the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I find it amazing that you can tell me and teach me about coyotes. I just can’t wait for you to teach me the next things in this life. And to be honest I really don’t care about what the subject matter is, as long as I have you in this life, I am willing to learn anything you that I can. With this said, I love you my daughter and lets make many more great memories down the road…