Shaking the beehive some more…

Well I am back home, and I find myself being at my computer instead of resting. I come here to vent to the world, and I know that my posts haven’t been truly the best lately at all here when it comes to anything in my life. And for this I am sorry. But lets get back to the reasons why I am here tonight. I am here to letting you know that I got all my medical records today and looked them all over with a fine tooth comb and found out a lot of things that the doctors never even told me when I was in the hospital for the last seven days.

I am not going into details about this for there is no reasons for this at this time. But, I have to shake more of the beehive this week, and to tell you the truth and I am tired of getting stung by the bees I shake out from that hive. Which means ever bee I talk to which I really mean in the doctors are not given me the straight answers like I thought I was getting. I am so tired of this crap to be honest with you. I am burned out in the ways that I want not to keep focusing on my health, this has taken a lot away from me lately. It has taken my life and spun it around in so many ways.

I want to get back to truly what normal is for me. And do you know what normal was for me?  Normal was getting up early in the morning and watching the sun rise and getting a good workout in before 6AM, now I can’t even get up until like after 9. Normal was going to the coffee shop and people watching and then just talking to a stranger you never met before and asking him how his day was, that is what I miss. I mean being sick you turn into a werewolves or an evil monster you feel like. And that isn’t me by a long shot here. I just want to wake up with knowing that I can go out and make that difference again in my life and the others around me.

I will get there again, I have no choice in this. I must keep this fight going no matter at what cost. I found out to that today my medical bills have ran me over 400,000 dollars. Thank God for my insurance that I have. These last few months 400,000 dollars. And the crazy part is no answers to this yet to the way I am feeling inside. I feel like that the money is just passing hands and no one really cares in the end anyways. I know it’s not about money here, it’ about what ahead of us. What road or path I am going to take from this point forward. I just have to stay strong and embrace these struggles a little longer I think. My answers are in them struggles, I just need to sit back and relook at these struggles to see if I am missing any details from them.

In the end, I hope that everyone out there is having a good weekend, and I hope it full of happiness for what ever it is your doing. I will be posting more later, I think it’s that time to take the dog for a short walk in the dark. I need to re-group my thoughts here. But until next time take care of yourself and the others around you.

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