The worse part of the day is when you get a phone call from your doctor and he tells you that there is nothing more that they are going to do for this pancreatic issues that I am facing. I mean the treatment options is all I have and they aren’t to promising at this time. Due to that my body is not making things happening to making anything better. Now I am wonder what the next plan is in my life. Do I prepare for death, or do I keep finding other options here. I mean the next steps are the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota and that would be all that I have left in the tank if they want to take on my case here. I am so upset today about this, I mean how can doctors be so mean and then on top of it they show no heart for what your going through in your life. I mean I am beyond the words at this time of feeling anything in my body. How do I tell my family that well the doctor called me and told me there are no more options?? I mean I am a fighter here, and I just need to figure this all out, and that means still going in for my treatment first off. Maybe there will be changes in this. I mean I have to make some phone calls as well to other cancer centers as well. I think that if there is a will that there is really a way here. I mean there really has to be something that I can do better. I just have to figure that out.
After that news I went out and took a walk with my father at my place, we walked around the barn and land that I have and we talked about the future of my farm and what I would like to see in the future. We talked about turning the barn into a house or a guest house for when people come and stay that they could have there own rooms and kitchen and bath area. Which I thought would look amazing in the end. And I want to build on the addition to the farmhouse that was built in 1847 as well. I mean there is a lot of possibilities for my place. I said to my father it is so amazing that we can make this place look so amazing, and at the same time I might never have the chance of seeing this dream come true for this place as I broke down in tears. I cried so hard, and I felt so bad to do this in front of my father, and he told me that we are going to get this done no matter what happens to you. I see that dream coming true, and you are going to be here to see it get finished.
I looked at my father and we never have to many heart felt talks and I was telling him then I must keep this fight going no matter what happens in the end. And he looked at me and told me that he has never seen me give up on anything, and he told me that life will throw things at us at the times we least expect them. But in the end he said it was my strength that will get me through these times. And I told him that I really didn’t have much strength left in the tank, and he looked at me and said again your a fighter and that my tank has been empty for the last 10 months and that if your tank didn’t have any in it then, how in the hell are you alive now? And that answer was that your a fighter even when all the gas in your tank is being used. So, keep fighting the fight no matter what, and I looked at him and said when are we going to move some dirt around for the barn, and he smiled and said anytime you want here son.
So in the end be good to yourself and the others around you, and even when your thinking your tank is empty you keep the fight going….