Well I am back for another message here to letting you know what is going on with me. I am in the process of having two more surgeries coming up here in the coming days. But over all my mental health is being affected with all of this stuff, there is nothing easy about being me in the sense of my physical and mental health. My physical health has gotten to the point that it is hard to move around. I mean just walking or drinking a cold glass of water has become major issues for me. I mean my body is being attacked and there is nothing I can do about that at this time. It going to fight what ever it is going to fight in the end. And that is the mental health issues that I hate, my body is fighting off pain and it really hurts more than I ever thought it would. I mean the pains in my body are strong and they are real, and it is really hard to be happy in the end about anything. I know that I have to keep fighting but when the mind is weak it’s hard to focus on the good things in life. Trust me when I say this I would never want anyone to go through what I have gone through at this point of my life. But the bottom line in the beginning of this is that there is going to be much more pain in this journey of this pancreatic and heart issues that I am having to go through at this time.
But I also want to tell you that even though there is a lot of pain and suffering at the moment that I am learning a lot about myself in ways that only pain and suffering can teach a person at this time. I know that no matter what happens that I will be okay with what happens. I know that I have friend out there and she is that kind of tiger that tells me to keep fighting no matter what happens. And to tell you the truth tiger, I am fighting hard as this crane can fight. The animals are around me in this journey and I know that they are telling me your words as well tiger. But there comes a time that you have to start preparing for things that might not go your way, and I am learning that death is just the beginning of better things. I do NOT wish for death, even though that this pain is crazy and that I am mental tired at this time. But I am starting to feel more comfortable in my head that no matter what happens I will be okay. I have been preparing for a lot of things in my life these last 10 months and is it scary? Hell yes, it VERY scary. But you have to remember that I have that daughter that little coyote that loves me and I am doing my hardest to making sure that her life will be good with or without me in the end of it.
And I know these hard hard words to swallow at this time, trust me I know it because I am feeling it everyday. But I don’t want to leave any stones unturned here. And that is what I am doing with my health as well. I mean I am going to have more medical teams in the coming weeks and I am not going to give this fight up, and the problem is that your sitting there and putting your hands into these people that maybe know what to do and then on the other hand maybe they don’t have a clue to what it really is. But no matter what I know that my faith is being tested here, and I am okay with that actually. I just know that my struggles are hard ones at this time. And I don’t want the outcome to end like this, I know that Amy wouldn’t want this for me as well. I mean she was a fighter in her life and she brought much joy to me until her death. I never thought that I would be in this position at this time of my life, but then again who ever knows when something like this will strike you.
Life is full of the mysteries, life is full of things that are good and bad. The main thing you have to remember is that life is what you make, and that good always wins over evil. And if this is an evil thing my heath well I know one thing is that it won’t last forever. And I hope that my posts will change for me in the coming days and weeks, because I want to show that you can get through these rough times if you believe in your heart that you really can. So, in closing I will try my hardest to stay positive more in this time of darkness and I know that it can be really hard to do with all these issues going on, but I have to fight the fight, and I will continue to look for more miracles in the comings days. With this said like I always end this posts, be good to yourself and the others around you…