Last day of January…

Hard to believe another month is over with already. 31 days and it felt like if it was only 7 days since the New year and it has been already 31 days. But one thing is for sure no matter how you look at the month of January you made it, this month I am sure brought a lot of good with it and a lot of bad with it for who ever is ready my post here. But in the end no matter what happened in it, you were alive to witness another month of your life go by. People ask me all the time what the big deal is here, I get your crazy all the time to the way your thinking. And that why is time so important to you that you have to tell people that you might not have another month ahead of you. I say these things for the simple fact is who tells you that your going to have another day? Who really tells you these things? And who tells you that your going to have another month on top of that, and to top things off who really says your going to live another year? I mean these are serious questions you have to ask yourself and tell yourself that your blessed for what you have in front of you. Yes, life is a gift and life is nothing that you ever should take for granted. I know from my side of things that I have had a really rough time with life lately in the sense of my health and what I want from it because of the health that I am truly dealing with at this time. I never once thought that my life was easy, or that there was no going to be any struggles in it for everyday is a struggle in some sense, and thinking that your going to be just fine in your day and nothing is going to happen, well I used to think that way.

We all have friends and family around us that are struggling. And then we have to tell ourselves what struggles we want to take on for the day, is it going to be a friends or yourself struggle, or a little bit of everything that is going to cause a bigger struggle. The bottom line of this all is to let you know a little bit more about me when I bring time up to you or saying another month is over I want you to see that this is more then about yourself in the end of it. I have a lot to be thankful for as well this past month, and to me that is an important measure to watch as well. We might sit in the darkness a lot of the times in our life, but then the rays of light come in and start to erase them dark spots.

So, in closing this is all…

January is behind us and 31 days are gone. But the next minute of your life think to yourself about where and what you want for yourself in the next day that is leading us to the next month. Stay focus on the things you can change, and stay away from the things that are truly going to be bringing you down. I am not here to tell you how to run your life, but I choose to end this month by saying thank you to all the people that have taken the time to reading my posts. I know that I might not be the best at writing, but to me this is more then being a scholar at writing, it is about helping people along this journey together so that we all can take something from each other in the end. And being part of this family the people that support me here, again thank you for your endless support. And I look for the month of February to even being closer to this great blogging family. So with that said take care of yourself before you can take care of the people around you…

Korean War Veteran I met in my journey today…

I went into town today I noticed a lot of things that I normally do, but what stood out the most to me today was that people just seem so sad and angry with what is going on in there life. I mean just people watching is just amazing to me in so many ways, but today I just noticed a lot of unhappy people. So, I thought that I would do something different that I would take the time to go into the mission field and see what I could stir up. I went to get some groceries with the family and I was in the one of the grocery stores with my sister and my father and there was an older man pushing his cart really slow and I went up to him and ask him about his war service because he had veterans hat on, and he was very kind to share some of the basics with me in the sense of his rank and what unit he was in. And then he noticed that I had on a bracelet for a solider that was lost when I served my country. And he asked me about this person and I told him he was a great friend. And he was telling me that things like this happen in war, one minute your friends are there and the next minute they are gone in a second. And I recalled what the man was saying for we all have our experiences in what happened to us all that have served.

I just told the man thank you for your service and he smiled and thanked me for mine service as well. To me a simple man that was pushing a cart in a grocery store, but to me he was more then simple he was a hero. He was in the Korean War as a gunner on a tank, and he was with a tank division and he was shot out of the tank and was the only man to make it out of the tank alive. All his friends were killed in seconds he recalled telling me this story. And yet, he is in a store and no one has any ideas to what kind of a man this was. I know that being in the military when a solider serves and a good solider serves his country the last thing is you do not talk about your experiences to others for they will not understand what you gone through. But to me today it really hit me to wondering how many people walk by a man like this and have no idea that he was part of the war effort that saved many millions of lives back home here.

This man doesn’t ask for any money or he is not looking for any book deals but he is pushing a cart in a store just being who he is suppose to be. And to me that is a hero to me. A man that can go on with his life and knowing what he did to sacrifice himself for the better cause of what we do today. Just an incredible story that I wanted to share today. I know there are a lot of people that don’t like going up to people, but I am one that likes going to people for the simple facts that we are all here for a reason, and again that is for God to understand the reasons. But I wanted to tell you today one thing, I think if we all could do this just jump out of our shells once in awhile and see what others are doing this world would be truly amazing thing.

So in closing this post I had a great day in shopping around with my sister and father. There is nothing wrong with spending time with the family and after talking Ron the Veteran that fought in the Korean War it just made even more sense to me that we are truly all in this together. And the sooner we see that we are the better everyone around us gets. At least I am going to think that way for the fact that we are all made to be around in each others life. But until then be good to each other and be good to yourself at the same time…

Physical Health is getting tired…

Well today and yesterday have been really hard for me in the sense of my physical health, things took a turn for the worse with me when I had to go to the ER and what they found out was not that good, that my lungs are full of fluid and I have bronchitis on top of all of it. I do not smoke or drink or do any types of drugs and when you find out your lungs are full of mucus from the bronchitis you start wonder where this came from. Well I do run a shop and I do work on military parts that are older then most people like 75 years to 80 old parts. And some of the parts have a lot of dust and even some of the boxes have some blacks spots in the corner where water might gotten into and to must people that means black mold. And that is not a good mold to be working around from what I hear. But there are a few of these boxes not like millions of them we are going through. But I am wondering if this is where the bronchitis came from. Well, I do know that I learned my lesson and I will be wearing a mask handling these old boxes from now  on. But, I been in a lot of pain these last few days because it is hard to breathe and it is hard to cough because I fell last week and crack a rib, so every time you cough your feeling that cracked rib from the week before.

The week before I was outside shoveling some snow around the farmhouse and the next thing I knew I was on that ground looking up. And I had some pain I never felt before, come to find out when I went into the doctor I crack three of my ribs on my right side of my body. I know that I am suppose to be taken it easy, but being a guy and any female that is reading this will know that men have that bone in there head thinking they can do everything even when your sick. Well, that bone got the best of me last week. And let me tell you I have not been the same since that. I never thought I would have cracked ribs now and bronchitis and fluid in my lungs and on top of that dealing with treatment for my pancreas and liver. I am on broken mess here let me tell you.

I have the will to keep moving forward, and I will continuing to keep moving forward I can’t stop for I am afraid if I do that I will die. And I don’t want to quite leave yet, I have a few more things I want to do in this life. But slowing down is a really hard thing for me lately, and I can’t put a finger on that. I mean I am sore and achy and I have a lot of health issues and yet I go out to my shop and start working on things that I should not be working on. I mean I am a lot slower then I was two weeks ago, but I just need to feel like that I am getting something done. And why is that I ask myself? I mean sitting by the TV is where I should be, and yet I put my pants on and my steel toes boots and act like nothing is wrong with me, when in fact there is plenty of things wrong.

Again, is it that bone in my head telling me to keep pushing? I mean I sleep like only 4 hours a night lately and I am getting up before the sun rises and yet I should be resting my head down and dreaming about good things. But that is me in a nut shell here. My body is hurting but the mind is strong as a ox when it comes to things yet. But anyways, time for some green tea and some soft music I need to just take a few minutes for myself and adjust myself again to the next things that will be coming my way soon. With that said thank you for reading my posts and make sure that you take care of yourself and the others around you…

Looking at the stars…

I am outside and I’m laying on my back looking up to the heavens and just wondering if anyone else is doing what I’m doing. I never thought the stars were so amazing in my life until you lay down and just focus the beauty to the heavens. My eyes have no idea what direction to look at here so many miracles in the sky at the moment. But I wanted to keep this post short and wanted to tell you take the time to looking at the stars. With that said back to the stars gazing….

Question about time…

I wanted to talk about something here that has been in my mind, and that is time. And why the time is moving so fast lately. I am wondering if anyone else is feeling that time is going by way to fast. I was wondering that we have 24 hours a day and yet I feel that I can not get enough done in that 24 hours. Is anyone feeling that way like I am. The reason I am bringing this up for to me time is a scary thing in the sense when your sick fighting off things that you never know how much is left in your tank at the end of your day. I mean I used to never think about things like I do now. I mean I never used to think that time was ever an issue for me. But when you get sick and your struggling, things seem to change a bit for you.

That is hard to describe to you exactly what I am saying and feeling here. And that is the hardest part for me lately is to telling you what I am really going through as a person. I sit and this computer and I start talking about time then another thing hits my mind in the sense of my struggles. But then again that is why I am here, sometime this is not about making sense for me it is just to get this out of my head and clear up my thoughts. And I have to tell myself that this is completely okay to what I am feeling when going through a lot of issues with my life lately.

But I am not here to sit and write about these issues, and I am here just to feel out what people in this world are going through in the sense of the time that you have. I mean sometimes I think that I am thinking about it too much, and then other times I feel that you have to appreciate what is truly in front of you. And for me that sometimes is a really hard thing for me to do. I mean it seems like I get caught up with the world’s problems at times in my life, and believe I want to help people with there problems or issues they are having, but then I have to go back to the basics like telling myself if you are no good for yourself that you will never be any good for the people around you.

The problem sometimes I think that it is easy to get caught up in other people stuff, and to me speaking here then you do not have to think of your problems as much. But that is where the time thing comes in as well, how much time do you want to sit in these problems or issues? I mean I feel like there is a lot of time wasted when your doing nothing to fixing them, and then on the other hand it is good to sitting in them so that you don’t make the same mistakes.

So what I am I getting at here does anyone follow where I am going with this? Well I would like to end this mess of a post by saying that time is something never to take for granted, take the time you have in your days and truly make the best of them, but also take the time and realize that you have only so many things to do in it, and find what is important and make the best of your days. And if you are struggling do not waste to much time in that struggle take what you can from it and use it as a learning tool and keep pushing forward.

So with that said, I better start seeing what I am writing here and start making that time mean more to me in the sense that I can only control what is in front of me, and to me that is where this journey starts today, and that is just take it slow and do what ever comes easy, do not make any big deals about anything and just see what happens with the time in front of me. And with that said take care of yourself and the others around you…

Not getting the words out…

Did you ever feel like you could not get the words out that you wanted to say to someone? I mean that happened to me yesterday and I still am pondering why I could not get what I needed to get out. And for the simple reasons I felt like it was really not going to be a big deal, but it ended up being a big deal in the end for me. My best friend of 35 years had a major disappointment this weekend when it came to one his children. I have known these children since they came into this world. I mean I was in the in the room actually while they were born. But the point is that I watch these children become amazing kids, and this weekend I was set back to find out that one of the children wanted to end his life. And he was only 15 years old. And lucky enough for my best friend he got there in time and rescued his son.

But talking to him last night in my office until 5AM this early morning. I found out that I had no words to say to him about what happened to his son and to why this happened to him. I mean there was no signs of anything wrong with the child, his grades were good and he was being responsible in every other way possible. So, for me that was a total shock of events that I never seen coming.

But having my friend over here at my office trying to come up with the words was like impossible for him, because he felt like this was never going to happen to him. I mean that is a parents worst nightmares that you never want to bury your child. I mean your child should be burying you. But the point of this he was sitting in the chair just lost and I felt bad that I could not comfort him. I mean 35 years of friendship and he comes over to tell me this news and I had nothing to say or do to helping him with this. I mean that is what friends are for, they are there to help you in every way possible and this time he needed me and I failed him. I mean I have a child and she is 7 years old and she will be 8 this coming year. And I would never think in a million years that my child is even thinking these thoughts about killing herself. I mean she has a great life, yes it is not perfect but you do the best as you can as a father to making sure you don’t have to go through what my best friend at this current time is going through.

I mean life is not easy and if anyone tells you that it is, then they need to see a therapist soon. I mean there is nothing easy in the sense of your friends and your family. I feel like that I wish that I had the answers to these feelings that he is going through at this time and I don’t because I could never feel what he is going through, and that is where the pains and struggles come into play. I know that I have talked about this pain and suffering before in my past posts, but what you have to remember is and I have to remember is to not let the pain of others get into your soul. When that happens you can not be there for that person because your heart is full of the dark things like the person your helping. Now this is easier said then done, for we are humans and we are going to feel that pain. But we can not let ourselves live in it for too long.

With that said I am here writing my feelings down in this post, because I was really lost, and do not worry for being lost is not a bad thing, but I will find the path again, and when I do, I hope to have them words to helping my friend out. I mean that is what life is really about and that is to help people the best way you can. So with this said I know what I need to do is just be there for him the best way possible and that is even to just have a good set of ears for listening.

So in end thanks for all that read my posts, I mean I know that they don’t make any sense at times, but I never said I was a great writer, but when it comes to my feelings I am not scared to share them. I mean I like to think that someone might read this and go to me at some point thanks for sharing that post, I mean you saved my life in the sense of what you truly said. To me I could not ask for anything better then that, I mean I am not about money or fame here, I want to be as normal as I can possibility can be. So, with that said be good to yourself and the others around you…

 

An old letter that appeared on my desk today…

Well today I was going through some paperwork and I could not stop from going down memory lane. And I mean, I found some old papers that had my best friends writings on it. And I was thinking to myself that she has been gone for over eight years out of my life since she went to the light. I never stop wondering how she is doing, but getting back to the story here, the message on one of the sheets of paper said, “Never give yourself to the darkness and always follow your heart to the light.” And I stopped for a second and remember why she wrote that to me. The reason she wrote that to me was because I was having a really hard time in that part of my life and she always had the faith in believing me when I was at my worse. And the reason I am writing this is because with my pancreatic issues that I am currently dealing with I felt that her spirit put that paper in front of my desk for me to see. I know that might seem weird to people out there reading this, but I felt as if she was in the room when I was reading that today.

I thought about that follow your heart to the light and I was thinking about that a lot today. I realize that I am in a good spot actually in my life, and that my life is going to have a good ending either way. And for me I know one thing is real is that you can fight through the darkness for sure. We are all living examples of that. We all been in a dark spot every one that has ever lived. And the funny thing is that I never paid attention to that. I mean I always thought that the world could not take all this darkness, and the funny thing it can and it keeps moving on. I do not think for a minute someone out there will ever tell me that they never had a dark moment or time in there life.

I guess what I am trying to say here with everything I am feeling is that life, has a funny way of showing us things. I mean it can throw what ever it wants at us. And I have to be prepared for that. Like the quote says, get busy living, or get busy dying! There is no no other way to look at things. There is no middle in that saying. So, I need to tell myself that I better get ready and get moving even harder to live. There is no time to sit in the darkness. There is no time for not thinking that there is no help out there. I think that I need to look at the paper again and realize to follow my heart even more to getting myself out of that darkness.

So in closing I wanted to write this for Amy. And Amy if your out there just know one thing I do miss you and I will never stop loving you. I know that your gone, but reading this today made me realize one thing, and that you put that paper in front of me to tell me to really move forward with my life and to not look back and to make the best of what is in front of me. And I will promise to do that, and thanks for putting that on my desk, that heart of yours I could never thank you enough for. I never thought that life would of ever changed like it did for us, but I have no regrets and I know that you said you had no regrets when you decided to leave me. And for the record I was never mad at you I was just frustrated with myself in the sense of that I wish there would of been more time for the both of us. In the end of this post, just know that I am doing my best here, and I am fighting the fight with some of the best people that are in my life. Please do not worry about me, for I am not ready to go quite yet here okay? I have strong close friends and I am going to continue to keep moving forward I promise. With that said, Amy I love you… And know that I will always remember the memories we had.

And with that said take that heart of yours and make sure to tell the people around you that you love them. And last word of advice I can give to you is this, the heart will always find a way out of the darkness this I believe. So be good to yourself and to the others around you…