Well today I was going through some paperwork and I could not stop from going down memory lane. And I mean, I found some old papers that had my best friends writings on it. And I was thinking to myself that she has been gone for over eight years out of my life since she went to the light. I never stop wondering how she is doing, but getting back to the story here, the message on one of the sheets of paper said, “Never give yourself to the darkness and always follow your heart to the light.” And I stopped for a second and remember why she wrote that to me. The reason she wrote that to me was because I was having a really hard time in that part of my life and she always had the faith in believing me when I was at my worse. And the reason I am writing this is because with my pancreatic issues that I am currently dealing with I felt that her spirit put that paper in front of my desk for me to see. I know that might seem weird to people out there reading this, but I felt as if she was in the room when I was reading that today.
I thought about that follow your heart to the light and I was thinking about that a lot today. I realize that I am in a good spot actually in my life, and that my life is going to have a good ending either way. And for me I know one thing is real is that you can fight through the darkness for sure. We are all living examples of that. We all been in a dark spot every one that has ever lived. And the funny thing is that I never paid attention to that. I mean I always thought that the world could not take all this darkness, and the funny thing it can and it keeps moving on. I do not think for a minute someone out there will ever tell me that they never had a dark moment or time in there life.
I guess what I am trying to say here with everything I am feeling is that life, has a funny way of showing us things. I mean it can throw what ever it wants at us. And I have to be prepared for that. Like the quote says, get busy living, or get busy dying! There is no no other way to look at things. There is no middle in that saying. So, I need to tell myself that I better get ready and get moving even harder to live. There is no time to sit in the darkness. There is no time for not thinking that there is no help out there. I think that I need to look at the paper again and realize to follow my heart even more to getting myself out of that darkness.
So in closing I wanted to write this for Amy. And Amy if your out there just know one thing I do miss you and I will never stop loving you. I know that your gone, but reading this today made me realize one thing, and that you put that paper in front of me to tell me to really move forward with my life and to not look back and to make the best of what is in front of me. And I will promise to do that, and thanks for putting that on my desk, that heart of yours I could never thank you enough for. I never thought that life would of ever changed like it did for us, but I have no regrets and I know that you said you had no regrets when you decided to leave me. And for the record I was never mad at you I was just frustrated with myself in the sense of that I wish there would of been more time for the both of us. In the end of this post, just know that I am doing my best here, and I am fighting the fight with some of the best people that are in my life. Please do not worry about me, for I am not ready to go quite yet here okay? I have strong close friends and I am going to continue to keep moving forward I promise. With that said, Amy I love you… And know that I will always remember the memories we had.
And with that said take that heart of yours and make sure to tell the people around you that you love them. And last word of advice I can give to you is this, the heart will always find a way out of the darkness this I believe. So be good to yourself and to the others around you…