Well, I am back with more of my thoughts and I wanted to talk about feeling alone and how that makes me feel lately and I wanted to see if anyone else is feeling the same about what I am going to say here. Well, I never felt that life was going to take me into some many directions after you loose so much in your life. Well what have I lost? I mean I know that I have to explain a little bit here, and I lost my best friend in the world eight years ago coming up this year, to many friends that I served with in the Army. I know that it might not sound like that is to much, but when you been where I been in my life it has been a lot, and too much to all handle when your doing this recovery yourself for so very long. Yes, I have a few friends, but they have there lives to worry about in the end as well. I never thought that after so much gone from my life that it was going to be this hard. I know growing up no one ever told me that it was going to be easy. I worked for everything I have today, and I know that it is not about the materials or objects that I have, it is more then that for me. This life for me I been fighting for, and I really don’t know why at times I fight it this hard. The will to live is something I thought I would be doing alone, I mean my health has been a plague to me for over a year. And I know one thing is that I wish that this was behind me. There is no cure of what I am dealing with when it comes to dealing with pancreatic issues and liver issues. I mean I do not drink or smoke or do no drugs of any sort. And yet I am battling for my life everyday. And how is that fair to me when I have all these things in my way.
But this is not about a pity party for myself, for I know that there are people dying tonight in hospital beds through out this whole country. And with knowing that sometimes that makes it easy and then there is times that it is not that easy. I mean I try to tell myself that love makes the world go around, and I still am searching for that love to enter and to love me for who I am in the end. This is not about me hurrying trying to find it, I do believe it will find me when I am ready for it. I am still broken man here, and for love to truly happen you have to find that peace in your heart to let go and then you have to take them chances for better to happen for you. I just do not know for sure where the love is going to come from, and that does not worry me. What worries me the most is that am I going to find it before I die? That is truly the bigger question here. I know one thing is that I have to find closure yet in my heart for things in the past. And sometimes you never find closure, but you have to find that peace in knowing that you really gave it all in the end here. And I don’t know if I have giving it really all I have yet.
I know there are people that are going to read this post, and of the people that are following me at this time, make sure and do me a favor and that favor is to take the time out of your life and tell that person you love that you truly love them. I mean you might not ever get that chance again ever. I mean tomorrow is a new day and there is no guarantees that your going to live through it. And I mean this. Take it from me, the love of my life is gone, and there is not a day that does not go by that I wished that I had one more chance of making that difference in her life. I know one thing that life keeps moving on no matter what in the end.
Being lonely in my life in the sense of things makes you stronger as well. But I know one thing is that we are not suppose to be alone in this life, and that life has a funny way of showing these things. But in the end of this post, I will get over this emotion of feeling this way, and I know one thing is for sure that tomorrow is a new day and that means one thing and that one thing is that I will have the chance to making things better for myself if I let that happen. But until then you take care of yourself and just know to take care of the others around you as well…