Looking at the stars…

Well the sun has set for another day, and when I was walking from my house to walking over to the office which by the way is like maybe 150 feet from the house, I look up and noticed the stars tonight. I took a bit and look up and realized the beauty of this world and what it has to offer. I mean we have so many things that can take your breath away, and looking at the stars always does to me. And I mean I have looked at them many times before in my life. But for some reason tonight was different then other nights due to the fact of where my life is going lately with all that I am battling mentally and physically.

This evening I went to Amherst and had dinner with my family and my grandfather that is 91 years old. I was just looking at him and was thinking to myself what an amazing life he really had. I mean born in 1925, and from that time he had an experience that many wished that could of had. He was in World War II, to getting married to the love of his life, to raising 4 beautiful daughters. And then later in life to loosing the love of his life. And now he is all alone in his house in Amherst. I know that he is a man of faith. I know that he believes in God, and he not ready to throw the towel in as of it. He is a fighter when it comes to his life.

Just watching him this evening just gave me a lot of hope. I mean he has battled a lot in his life and he is still battling just to survive. Surviving without his wife is a big thing for him for he doesn’t speak of it. But I know that he misses her and loves her so much yet even without her being in his presence. Here is another thing about him, he has a heart that is failing him as well. He had an major heart surgery at the age of 88 which is unheard of for the age that he was at. It was an experimental surgery. His odds were not good going into that surgery, but he is still here with us at 91.

But my point is with my grandfather is that he has beat the odds in everything that he has done. He is not a quitter by no means. He has lost the love of his life and he continues to love his life even though it isn’t the same by a long shot. Most people at his age would of gave up, a lot of people would of not want that live that long period due to what ever was going on in there life at that time.

I brought my grandfather into this tonight because he really was a star to me in the sense of what he has done in his life. And his light shine bright with this family. And looking up at the sky tonight made me think of him in the sense of that light that he shines down to all that he has touched in this world. So, this is I want to put out in the world for people to read because we all have something to give in this life. And if we are all stars like my grandfather was, then our light is important as his was in the sense that we need to shine for others in there time of darkness. If we can bring the light out of everyone that is looking for it, then this world would be a greater place to live.

So shine on stars and know that I know that the next time I look up that there will be extra lights beaming down on me for that the people that read this blog will know that they need to go out there and help someone so that they can shine even in a time of darkness. That’s what this is all about helping others in this time of dark times of there life.

 

Mid morning thoughts

Well, here I am off to another day and I am first thankful that I had that chance to wake up again. I know that sound crazy, but to me it really not. Even though my life is in a rough patch I still have to be thankful for what I have in front me. I used to think that I would live forever, and now with my current health issues, I don’t think that for a second anymore. I remember growing up and thinking the world is going to give me everything I need. And the older I got life started changing and started to take things away from me. Things like people and friends that you thought were going to last forever. Even family goes on that list as well.

I can blame life on these things that happen. I can only prepare myself to know that the sooner that I come to realizing that I am going to die, the better I can start to live. There is nothing more harder in this life to realizing that your aren’t going to be here forever. But if you look at it from that your dying then you can live a better life knowing that you can do the things in front of you better.

Where do I find my strength in a time of darkness in my life is that hard question I have to ask myself from time to time. I find my strength in God first off, I realize that he has the plans for all of us here. But when it comes to my plans, I have to start to think different. I used to think that I wanted to know what God had for me in this life. And one day this past week I came to an conclusion that all God wants from me is to live. And I need to stop having the pity parties in my head that maybe no one cares, when there are tons of people in this world that have the same things I have going on.

I was never much into pity parties, but I know we all have gone through them at some points in your life. My pity parties in my head are the ones going that this isn’t fair and why do I have to be going through what I am going through at this time. Why can’t you or somebody get these issues? And I had to stop myself, because of my gift as a spiritual advisor. I wasn’t here to hurt people because of my pains, but I am here to teach people something about my pains that could save a life out there.

I am working on these things more and more everyday. Coming to this blog and sharing my feelings to the world has taught me a lot in the last few days being here. It has taught me that I am not alone in this world. And that it’s okay to feel your feelings. And it doesn’t matter what people think about you, it all matters on your feelings and how you want to treat the world.

So, with this said this mid morning, I am going to make this day full of blessings. Even if it’s just one blessing, I will accomplish more than sitting around and telling myself that I can’t do anything, when the sun is shinning here out my window and telling me yes, you can make the difference out there. So, I will walk away from this blog for a short while and go for that walk, or that drive and feel that free spirit that I am on the inside of who I am really am…

Letting you know about the spirit…

Well, here I am posting in the evening hours of the night looking out at the full moon listening to music that keeps the soul at peace. I am trying to figure out the directions of my life since I found out about my health issues that started 4 1/2 months ago. I am on this rough road lately with not many clear answers. I would like to say for starters that no matter what happens to me, I will fight this off the best way I can. With this said I need to open the doors up to you about spirit, that is really why I started this blog in the first place.

I know I have been all over the map so far with my posts, and for this I am sorry. But then again I find it fun because you never know what you will see here with me as I’m on this journey.

So the spirit thing, what does this mean to you when I say that word? To me spirit is what everyone has with them. I believe in God, and that he has angels that are around us. But to tell you the truth I am no bible beater by no means. My faith has been built on spirit and what happened to me when I was first approached by it at the age of 7, and then many years later at the age of 35. My life wasn’t a great one growing up, I kind of hit on this before in earlier posts. But growing up with abuse and a mother and a step-father that were drunks wasn’t something I deserve. I know one thing is that you can’t pick your parents at birth. But saying that God gave me a set of parents that were good people but made some bad choices in there lives. I am not here to judge my parents, I am here to tell you that I over come what most people would of never done coming from where I came from.

I came from a step-father that was a mean person period. He would hit me all the time to abusing me in ways well, we will leave them details out for the moment. But my mother and step-father married shortly after my real father got the divorce done in 1976. Later posts I will share that story about my parents divorce and how and why my real father did what he had to do. I mean in a short way of telling it, my father had to survive that’s it plan and simple. But getting back to my life at the early age of 7. I went to bed one evening after my step-father got done abusing me. I went to sleep, and a few hours later, I was woken up by a bright light and this shadow came to my bedside. Now remember I am 7 years old and this shadow look as big as a house that big, it was really maybe 7 feet tall at the most.

But when it came to my bedside that evening the shadow or angel I found out later told me that I have a gift, and that gift was to be used wisely. It will change the way people will feel about themselves and others. Now again at 7, I had no idea what this all meant for me until I came back to it when I was 35 years old.

As, the years went on my life took turns for the worse. I never got help for my issues until I was 35 and went into a treatment home for the attempt of suicide when I decided to take a hang gun and shoot myself in the head. The problem with that is that the weapon didn’t go off. And for these reasons I am sharing with you in this, I knew some spirit was watching over me. But getting back to the treatment center I was there for over 35 days and learned a lot about myself, the first thing I learned that non of what happened to me was my fault. It was the lack of learning that my parents did the best they did for what little they had at the time. Before I went into treatment, I blamed my father a lot for what happened to me and my life.

My mother was killed in 2010. The killer is still out there at this time. I feel that what ever is going to happen to my mothers killer that God will judge this person in the end. But getting back bouncing all over the place in this post. My life was not much to talk about. I would lie and hurt people for the sake that I wanted them to feel my pains. I never had relationships that latest because of the lack of treatment that could of saved them. I have only been in four major relationships in my 41 years. But the point is I was a train wreck.

But the winter of 2011 and early part of 2012 saved and changed my life forever. That treatment center was the wake up I needed in my life. And that is when the power of spirit awoke in my body. I left the treatment center to move back in with my father. And here is a short story, my father and I did not get along for years at a time after I moved out of his house. So coming back to my fathers place was a huge deal that he was taken a risk that I was going to change into something better than I was before.

Well, I never looked back after the treatment and moving home. I have been on the road of recovery and still see therapist once a week to move me forward in different ways so that I never have to go backwards. But during this last 5 years spirit entered my life. And in a huge way. That gift that angel gave me was a gift that I never seen coming. And what it was is a way of communicated with the people that had past in this lifetime. People would call me a medium, and I just call myself a spiritual advisor. I don’t go make any money in what I do, I have no book deals, I am just me in this journey with spirit.

I help people find closure with there loved ones that had past. I hear voices that I can’t begin to describe here in this post. I know some people are thinking ya right you really can hear the dead? And to tell you the truth yes I can hear them and the best part I will tell you is that they are not dead, they are alive and well to be honest with you. There is no better gift to know that when you die, that your not really dead that long. You go to heaven and ¬†you come back to close things out in your life with your family or friends or even someone that you really cared about that meant the world to you.

I know what I am saying is true, and I don’t care what people think about this. I have a relationship with the spirits that have lived a life here on earth. And it really is an honor to do what I do. I do not do this full time, I run a small business out of my house and want to make my money there. I do not want to disrespect the spirits and making money on their behalf, because if loved ones are trying to find closure why would I ever charge them for my services. That is not what God wants me to do.

I know that people believe in many things, I am not here to tell you to believe in God if you don’t believe in him, I am telling you that what ever you believe just know that your truly not alone in any of your thoughts and dreams. There is that loved one, or your friend or even your special pet you loved growing up next you following you in what ever adventures you are taken in your current life.

I will be breaking this all down even more in the coming posts. I will tell you what I know from what I hear and what heaven is like for many people have come down to tell me in there words what it’s like, and let me tell you not one story is ever the same. So fasten your seat-belts and enjoy this blog and what it has to offer to you. For I know in my heart what I am going to share with you is the best of my knowledge on how this works from my end of things. I might not be right in a lot of things, but this is what the spirit has told me to share with you here. Thank you and enjoy my life through the spirit…

Reflecting

I am going to tell you more about myself, I find this a helpful tool this blog, and I need to let these feelings out so that I can heal. I used the word reflecting for a reason, and that reason is because sitting here at my desk makes me think about things that has happened to me in my life. The news of my health today was a little set back for me in the sense of not knowing where my health is going to take me in the weeks or months ahead here. So, I thought that I would sit and reflect on my life the best way I can tell you.

When I was growing up in Racine and living with my mother at the time, I can remember a few good things about her, and one of the things I remember was that we would go downtown to the lighthouse on Lake Michigan and sit there on the bench and look at the water together. I always asked my mother why we came down to the lakeshore and always had to sit and look at the lighthouse and the water. Now bare with me on this, my mother only came down after she was sober enough to drive the car. But this time coming down to the lake was different for me. It was different in the sense of that she was talking normal to me. My mother when she was on drugs or drinking wouldn’t even know I was in the room with her, because she was high on drugs, or to drunk to even speak to me.

But sitting on the bench with her that afternoon I remember one thing my mother taught me as a young child, and that one thing was the word reflect. I asked my mother what that meant to reflect on something. Now I was maybe 9 or 10 at the oldest at this time. But my mother told me that you sometimes have to get away from the evilness of what the world is doing to you. And that you need to reflect on the good things that you have in front of you. I never could ever figure out my mother and her habits and her ways of who she was because there was never enough time to be with her due to working and doing drugs and drinking.

But if I learned one thing that day was that my mother was a real person underneath that darkness that she carried around her all the time. She taught me to reflect from time to time and appreciate the good things that are in front of you. So, I started doing that from time to time in my life experiences. I never thought that it was a good thing to reflect, until I was in a dark spot in my life. But where I am going with this is that I need to stop and listen to the spirit around me. And later I will explain in long detail about what the spirit is and what it has done for me as a human being.

In closing this, I never thought that I was going to be sick with something at this time I have no control over, and I thought I would take the time to talk about reflecting because I need to realize that my life has been blessed beyond measure, and it’s time to share these stories on this blog and to the people around me. For I am not guarantee another sunrise. So, with this said reflect on things that matter the most in your life, even though a lot of us have lived a lot of dark areas in our lives, let your reflections send a light to that darkness and tell you that your better than you ever had been before.

Today experience

Well I woke up about 5 AM to get ready to see what was wrong with me in the health sense of things. I got to the hospital at 645AM and check in and I was with my father and we had a nice small talk about how you look back at your life and you see things so different then you did twenty years. One thing you learn about when your health is failing you that things are big in your life, really aren’t that big anymore to tell the truth. Your days seem to be less worrying about what you all had to do, and the days become how do you survive the ones you have left. My liver and gallbladder areas are failing me at this time. And I really don’t know why that is. I mean I lived a healthy life I never smoked or was a big drinker of any sore here. But when your body starts to attack you, then you begin to question what is attacking it. Well, going into the treatment today they took a scan of the gallbladder and liver area of my body. They use a machine that takes pictures for over an hour on these areas. They put an IV in your arm and put different chemicals to see what and how your organ react to the medicine that can make things better for you.

Well, I am now back at home writing in this blog, or I should say journal of my life because I feel that it is important to tell you what I feel on paper. Even if I never get a comment or a reply back that is not big deal to me at this time. I am doing this for myself in the sense that maybe God can help me figure things out soon with everything that has happened to me in the last 5 years of my life. I know that I am all over the place in this blog and I am sorry for anyone that is following my story. I will try to be as clear as I can for you, and I know that I want to tell my story right here, and if I jump all over the place again I am sorry for this.

But, in closing this…

I have to tell myself no matter what happens with my health that my life is full of many blessings that I have in it. I have to keep track of the good things in it during this time of darkness. This is the only way that I will survive here. But thank you for reading this story. And I hope that it will make your life blessed in a way that again might save your life.

Well I think I am ready to tell my story.

Well to start this story lets start from the beginning. I was born in Milwaukee Wisconsin in a cold winter afternoon in 1975. I came into this world with a mother and father like we all do in the beginning. What I remember from this is that my parents got divorced shortly after I was born. I lived with my mother until I was 13 and then my father came into this story. I will break this all down better as the days go on. I will find this blog as a way to heal for myself. It’s hard to write things down on paper to see what you really been through in your life. I find this very hard at times because of the things we go through in this life. Some of things are very simple, and then again some things that I will go through will be the hardest things to talk about here on this blog due to that I am amazed that I am alive to tell the story. Again I will get into this as the time allows me too.

I will start with my mother first, she was born in 1951 to a family that was very strong in the religion standpoint. My mother had a great up bringing for the most part of her life. My grandparents I remember just a few things about for they died when I was in my teens. And as a young boy growing up, you never take the time to ask your grandparents questions that make sense to you until it is to late. And in my case my grandparents died in 1982 which was my grandmother on my mothers side, and then my grandfather died in 1991. But from what I knew about them they where simple people from what I gathered from talking to my parents over the years. But my mother graduated from high school. And my mother never went to college. For back in them those days it wasn’t necessary to do so. My mother had a lot of struggles in her childhood and adult life and all the way until her death in 2010. My mother story is a very sad story, but it made me who I am today due to these things that she went through and the things she made me go through as well.

Now my father story. He was born in 1950. My father came from a poor family and a very abused one if I can say that. My father grew up on the streets moving from place to place like I did myself many years later. My father graduated high school, and then joined the Army to serve his country in 1970. My father met my mother in 1969 and got married to her shortly after. The day of the marriage I do not have for the lack of information here. But after the marriage they lived in Germany while my father was serving the Army. My father got out of the Army in 1972. Then came back to Milwaukee to start a family. My brother was born first in 1973, then I came into the world in 1975. So this is a history of what my parents did and kind of how I came into this world to write this blog to share with you.

 

 

Trying to learn this WordPress

I am in the learning process of what a blog is and what it can do. So please bare with me as I will get my page all straighten out in the days to come. I know I am rusty at this, and I am actually okay with this, because this is my life and I can do what I need to do to making this a very special blog in the end. Well, back to figuring out how this all works, then I can get to the part you been waiting to read, the part of what a free spirit means and where this journey goes from here…