It’s almost midnight already…

Well it is almost midnight coming here for me and I wanted to come here and make a short post about that tomorrow is coming soon like in 15 minutes here for me and I have to realize on thing and that is I can not carry my life on my shoulders anymore. And I will let you think about what I said here and think about what that really means to you. Master used to teach us that in the art, and when things were getting rough or tuff in your life he used to always say do not carry your life on your shoulders.

So, I will leave you with this simple post and see what anyone is going to teach me on this quote that was giving to me many years ago. With that said be good to each other and the people around you…

I did not want to be angry, but it got the best of me today…

My anger of my life got the best of me today as I been finding news about myself and what I am facing. If anyone that knows me closely I do not get angry at all actually. I think today this morning when I woke up and found out more bad news I just snapped on the inside for the first time in many years. I took a box fan and threw it against my door so hard that it left a mark in the door, and then after that I just could not get rid of my anger. I mean I was by myself and I was thinking what the hell am I angry for here? Why did I do such a thing like this? The box fan did not deserve this. I mean it was on the floor pushing air around in the room I was in.

I came here to write about my anger, I came here for people not to fix my anger. I am realizing that my life has been a hard one, and it was not a normal one that is for sure. I never had parents that were truly there for me. My mother was murdered in 2010 over drugs, and my father well, lets say I am talking to him but our relationship is still in that building process of getting to know each other for who we are today not for what we were in the past. That all takes time. Another thing I am saying here is that my anger has been building for quite some time in my head here, and I have no where to channel it lately due to my health issues as well.

I was seeing a therapist and then she had to leave for better things, and this was last year  that I was seeing her, and to me that hurt me I felt like there I go again feeling so alone in this world. I mean my anger been more then loosing my therapist as well. I had a few close friends die in the last years as well. Not to happy I did not close those chapters as well. I felt like I should of done something more to fixing them issues, but that is water over the dam here at this time for they are gone. I am sorry to my friends if they are here is spirit I was a bad friend and I wish I could of changed that. I have so much anger.

Why does this anger come out of a person like myself? I really did not like any of this what I did today.  I need my strength to helping me get better not worse here. I know that everybody has the right to be angry and I know that everyone needs to vent and get things out. Well like master always taught me it is about cleaning out the closet. And that is what I did today, I cleaned out my closet in the sense of being mad and angry. I can’t remembered the last time I cried so hard in my life, actually I do remember but my tears were like fire they burned as they came down my face. I never felt so alone in my life today with this news.

But I wrote this post to tell people that it is okay to be angry and the most important thing is not to live in your anger for to long. I am going to be working my way out of this anger this afternoon by going to for a walk and playing with my dog. Dogs are the best things in this world, they love you more then they love themselves. And to me going for that walk sounds like a good plan for me.

Talking with God and the spiritual world you never know what they can teach you about your life. But it is time for me to put this post away, go for that walk and come back and write another post about what I learned on that walk with my new puppy. Until then, be good to yourself and then be good to the people around you…

First 10 days of this year are gone, but there is another 10 days coming…

Well, this marks the third day that I am here on this blog, and to me that is a true miracle in a lot of ways. I am surviving first off that means and then to me it means that I have a lot of great hope for this year. Hard to believe we are at the 10th day of the year already. I never seen 10 days go that fast ever in my life. And when I look back at them 10 days I realized one thing, that I got 10 days more then most people. I was thinking about how many people are going to die today or this evening. Do you ever really think about that question? I mean I never thought I would be at this part of my life to start thinking things like this. But there is no guarantees on your life. And the worse part is that you never think of them guarantees until something happens.

I been in and out of the hospital suffering with major health issues at hands with my pancreas and my liver. No I am not a smoker or a drinker, for I have never been drunk in my life, and for the record I have never taken any drugs either. But when you are in the hospital and you see the suffering, I never take any of that for granted. There are people that are going to loose loved ones, and there is going to be big changes after that. And as I sit in them hospitals like I was doing and seeing this it was teaching me that I am not a superman like I thought I was 20 years ago.

But these last 10 days have been a true miracle for me that I could get up and see another day. And yes, some of these days have been really hard for me in ways I can’t even begin to telling you. But I still have my life, and I have that time to making a difference in mine and to the people out there that are suffering. If someone would ever tell you that they are NOT suffering then they are lying to you. There is no way around that your going to die, it’s just how and when in the end. But suffering brings out a lot of great things as well. Sometimes we have to get to them points of our life to seeing how great things really where.

And to me that is why I am taking the time to reflect these things, and I know there are a lot of people in the world that carry on thinking nothing will happen to them. Believe me I used to be that person. But not anymore, in fact I like to go out when I feel good and talk to people and see what is going on in there life, to me there is no better gift then giving your time to someone else. You can not put a price tag on that. So I will end this saying I wonder where the next 10 days will take me in my journey and I have to tell myself in these next days to go out and to continue to making that difference with myself and the others around me. Until next time, be good to yourself and the others around you…

Sometimes just listen to the spirits around you…

Well I am back and I wanted to share something here when it comes to the spirits around you and there purpose. I know that there are going to be people that will not be able to get there heads around this topic but I will still speak on what my mind is saying this evening. I was in the martial arts and still study the art. I know that I had over 30 years of experience in dealing with the art, I studied it from a younger age and then took a brake from it and then really hit it hard when I turned 21 years of age. I wanted to share this that I had one of the greatest masters to ever work with. His knowledge was so wise that it didn’t hit me until many years later after and even after his death.

I know one thing is that his teaching a lot did not make a lot of sense to myself when I was training with him. But I remember one story that he shared with me after I got my black belt. And he shared with me that now you become the teacher you have to watch the spirit around you as the teacher, and that you can learn a lot from your students and do not think you know everything, take in everything from your students, listen to your spirit and then listen to the spirit in the students and then last the spirits of the room. Well, in our style we had five animals spirits that we learned about, and they were the panther, snake, crane, tiger and last the dragon. See, I never really understood the spirit of these animals until I started to train.

But now that you know that there are animal spirits I will tell you were I am going with this. I was in the post office today delivering a package or two. I run a military parts business and we do restoration work as well. Being an owner at something that you love to do, well there is nothing better. But getting back to the story, I was overhearing a couple talking about there faith and how they were lacking it. And the older gentlemen was talking to this older women, I believe they were married the way they were looking at each other. But the gentlemen was talking about how faith has gotten him this far into his journey and that if he did not have any he would of never lived as long as he thought he would of.

His wife I will say look at him and say we have a lot to be thankful for and how not to take anything for granted. And then shortly after that they dropped off there package and left. But in that short time I realized that there spirits are real, and that there spirits have there backs to there deaths. I know one thing I hear a lot from talking to people is that they don’t want to die alone. That death is something that no one comes back from the dead and shares with us. And this is where your faith comes in, or your spirit guide I will say. Spirit guides as in angels or and animal spirits or anything thing else that can be with you in the human realm. I believe that we all have these things around us. That we are not alone in this journey. But just watching them made me think that my life is good, and let me tell you I am battling some serious issues at hand here, and I will not go down easy here. For I am a fighter.

My body went through seven surgeries last year, and all of that is in the past, yes I have a lot more to do as the doctors go at this time. But this journey is not all about me and my sickness, this journey is about the spirits around me. And that couple had amazing energy, and to hear the simple thing like the word faith makes me smile. This world is lacking faith, but more then anything it is lacking the chance of knowing that no matter what happens your not alone in your battle. I know that there are a lot of battles that people go through in there life, and believe there are the ones that no one ever knows about. But I can tell you from trying to commit suicide almost 8 years ago, I knew one thing is that the spirit was there and it stopped me from going that distance.

I was glad that the spirit was there when I was at my lowest times of my life. And I will share that experience more with you down the road, but now I just wanted to focus on that word faith. It is more then a word, faith saves people if you truly want to believe in it, and for the record having a great spiritual relationship with the animals and the angels and even God makes things easier even in a time of darkness.

So, I wanted to end this by saying really sit and take some time to thinking about yourself and where you see yourself in the coming days. Not years, coming days. The reason I say days is because to some people out there they only might have days left in there life. And to me these are the people that we need to be with the most at the end of the day. That man was dying from cancer at the post office today, he was telling his wife that his life was no mistake and that he was glad that he found his true partner in life. Very simple message I seen today through the spirit. And I think that the spirit can teach us things if you want to be open to it. And with that said, adjust things in your life and take some time to making sure the things are good around you, make that phone call to someone that you haven’t talked to in some time, or go for a walk in the woods or sit down by the water and tell yourself that life is good and appreciate what is truly in front of you. And take care of yourself and the take care of the people around you, and until next time go do something that you enjoy even if it was for a minute…

 

Off and running once again in 2018…

Well, this is crazy! I mean this feels completely unreal like I am in a dream or something here. I mean when was the last time I dropped off a message on here was all the way back last July. But, I am back here to tell you that this year is going to be a lot different then last years writings for sure. I want to touch people in ways that they haven’t seen from me. There are health issues going on with me from last year yet, but we are not going to focus on the negatives that I get from my health instead I am going to be trying to speak from the heart about things that mean the most to me. I know that I have not to many people following me at this time, and that is really not what this is all about actually for me.

This blog is for me to voice my life to the people that want to take the time to understanding it. And I am here to make sure that I finish this dream with a very special blogger that has been pushing me from the start. My tiger spirit knows that she been there for me and I thank you my young tiger.

So, with this said, let make this year full of wonderful memories and lets see where this is really going to take me with that said be good to yourself and when that happens then be good to the others around you…

Walk in the woods…

What can I say about today that I haven’t said about any other days here. Well for starters it was a really nice day. It was my sister 22nd birthday today, and no one better to having a birthday then her. My sister is an amazing woman, she graduated college in New York this past spring and she is working on her life in so many ways that I can’t even express to you. I look at my sister as my best friend in life. I never seen so much strength in a person then her. I know that she will have many more great birthday’s ahead. We had a nice dinner for her tonight and as she blew the candles out on her cake, I hope that her dreams come true in what ever that wish was for her new year. I know one thing is that she works really hard at what she does. And I know that she will go really far in this world, for she has a great spirit. So with this said, happy birthday to my panther spirit.

Other news today I went for a long walk in the woods for the first time in many months, and to tell you the truth I am trying my hardest to getting back on my feet as my health goes. I am tired of taking things easy, it was so nice to watch the butterflies and the dragonflies and even the bees at work today. Listening to the winds was great too, for the trees in the woods were talking a lot today. For I thank the trees for the air they give me to breath that is for sure.

When you take the time to do things for yourself you start to feel better in so many ways. I felt like that I had strength in so many ways, even though I was still puking a lot, that didn’t stop me like it normally would. For my weakness are becoming my strengths lately. I will not give up and if I die walking in the woods that means I did something right in the sense that I went out liking something that I was doing. That is so important to me, that is why I am taken everyday and making it special in some way. Even the simplest things make me happy. So, with that said, make sure that you take that time to enjoy the things that are ahead of you as well. There is nothing better than to relax and breath and understand that your giving a day to make something happen. I take the days I have left and make the best of ever second of them. That to me is no better way to live your life.

But in closing like I tell you that you need to take care of yourself and then to take care of the others around you. That is so damn important, you have to realize that your only as strong as you can be. Make sure that you remember that this is your life and no one else can take that away from you. Live them dreams, focus on what is important to you, make your day the best that you can for yourself no one else can do that even if they tried.

So, enjoy again your life and I will write more when the time comes. Until then take care and many blessings to you and your families out there…